I am not a grandmother, but a mom. My boys have an OVERabundance of toys and items. It is just too much. I would much rather a grandparent give of their time – give experiences to my children. That is what my boys talk about most. The vast majority of their toys are not played with much at all.

My advice is to budget for the experiences. Just be there as much as you can. But even experiences don’t have to cost. They can bake with you, go shopping with you, explore the backyard, go to the park, go to the zoo (but don’t buy junk and souvenirs).

(and books – books are great!)

Chuckle. We will have three grandbabies under two years of age by this coming March, Lord willing, and it *is* a temptation.

It is fun, and I think meaningful, for grandparents to give those special things. I am by no means an expert, but here are some thoughts I’ve had:

Remembering that I want a lot of grandchildren, and as a mother of seven, am likely to see that hope fulfilled, I try to keep that long term view in mind. I don’t want the younger grandchildren to feel like I love them less because I bought higher ticket items for the first and I don’t for the tenth- equally important, I do not want the first to have reason to smugly feel I always liked him best.
In other words, I try to think ahead and begin as you mean to go on.

Along those lines- a few times I’ve succumbed to temptation and bought a book or toy that was just too lovely. I usually keep those things at my house, not the grand-baby’s house. This accomplishes several ends- although I bought it for the grand-baby, since it’s at my house, the other grandchildren will also get to enjoy it, and it won’t be seen as belonging to that first grand-baby.
I have a limited amount of space, and if my rule is to keep the cool toys I buy at my house, I will naturally limit them.
I am not overcrowding my daughter’s smaller home.
I make Grandma’s House a fun place (for me, too. I LOVE certain children’s books and toys).

For the grandbaby we have now and his sibling coming in March, I am the grandmama just a mile away. His other grandmama lives in another state. She only has two children, not seven. She loves to buy things for the grandbaby. I have made a conscious attempt to let her be the goodies grandma. There have been times I have resisted something I really wanted to buy by thinking of the other grandmama. This won’t work for the December grandbaby- they live on the other grandparents’ property, 45 minutes from us.

I do watch and see if there is some need I might help fill that will also fill my grandma giving urges- with the onset of cooler weather and his growth spurt, I bought some extra cute clothes at a thrift shop for fall (spending less than five dollars) as well as some socks for this grandbaby, thus getting something I know his parents welcomed and fulfillng my grandmotherly yearnings to get a little something for the baby.

And speaking of grandma giving urges- I have been there with grandparents giving more stuff than the children can handle or need. I would just say that I wish now I’d been more gracious and grateful about it. That yearning to give the grandchildren fun things is real, and I think it is an important part of the grandparent/child bond, I really do. Not all grandparents are able to give of time.

Perhaps those who have grandparents who give too much to their grandchildren can gently direct their giving to more welcome items.

When the stuff was overwhelming, I asked my parents to give things like: magazine subscriptions, art supplies (because play dough and paints got used up and then didn’t take up space in my house- and the projects were gifts for grandparents!), music lessons, family passes (or contributions to family passes) to zoos and museums

And… I do keep a few dollars gleaned from various sources set aside for grandbaby splurges. This gets a little easier as there are fewer calls on my purse as children marry and move out.=)

I’m not a grandma yet either, but I have been a grandchild for nearly 40 years.
I can tell you that while I remember very few of the gifts I received from my grandparents over the years, I cherish every day I was able to spend with them, both in their homes and on the road.
I second what others have said: give the gift of time! Toys break, but memories last forever.

My first long awaited grandchild is also in the womb and due in February. I have been frugal since the Mom to be was in MY womb! I hope I can strike a balance with my grandchildren. Now, i am buying baby things only when I find especially good sales. I will buy good used clothing and toys without a second thought and I also hope to be able to buy bonds for them to have when they are ready to go out on their own. But, I know I will stumble and splurge and I have given myself permission as long as I don’t do it often. However I do agree with the one person who said the time spent with a grandparent is the most memorable and important. i know I still have great memories of time with my grandmother cooking, baking, sewing and picking flowers. May I remember that and carry on the tradition.

Don’t bother with stuff. I, arguably, have the best grandparents in the world. And I am lucky that I still have their warm home to visit, even as they are pushing 90. They are my closest friends and family members and have always been more frugal than my parents ever were. My fondest memories of them are all of the special things we did together – they always had time to take us to the park, always had time to bake things with us from scratch and teach us to tie our shoes. Grandpa took me to high school football games when I was 5, Grandma taught me how to sew. Grandpa offered me good advice as a teenager, encouraged me to be a scientist, to learn a skill. Grandma taught me how to haggle at a garage sale. Grandma let us eat waffles for dinner once a week.

Parents work, or are busy with the things we 30 and 40 somethings are busy with. Grandparents are patient and kind and give the gift of time.