Frugality Isn’t Deprivation. It’s Doing The Kids (and you) a Favor
Recently in an interview with Essence Magazine:
Of his own daughters, Malia, 11, and Sasha, 8, Obama told Essence magazine: “The girls don’t watch TV during the week. Period.”
Blogger Theresa Walsh Giarrusso says:
I have to say that seems a little bit harsh. My kids, and I’m sure President Obama’s kids, work very hard at school. They are gone for eight hours and deserve a little down time when they come home.
She believes when the Obama girls go off to college they are going to respond to their previous years of deprivation by spending all their time in the common room catching up on all the television they missed.
A few months ago my husband and I took a Dave Ramsey class. During class the other students were sharing their frugal successes, and one evening several of them centered around how to bring down the cable bill- not get rid of it, because that's extreme, but bring it down.
My husband and I married in 1982. During our 28 years of marriage, we have never had cable television, except for a six month period when we lived in a trailer where the trailer park management provided cable television. In fact, I grew up without cable television, without color television, and for the first several years of my life, no television. My mother says somebody felt sorry for the family and gave us one, and she always felt like they weren't really doing us any favors. Did we feel deprived? No, we didn't. Why should we?
Not only that, but my husband and I mostly didn't have television at all, cable or otherwise. We have lived in places where no cable meant no reception, and so, for all but about five years of our 28 year marriage, we haven't had any outside television programming coming in to our home. We used the television screen for watching movies, which we mostly checked out for free from the library.
We did not feel deprived nor did we feel like we were depriving our children. In fact, we felt like we were doing them a favor.
Our thoughts and decisions here were influenced by some of the reading we did. Your child's growing mind
This sense that we were doing our Progeny a favor by 'depriving' them of television was reinforced in the last two months when, in order to earn some extra Swagbucks (we use them for Amazon gift cards which we were saving for a camera, and now mostly use for homeschooling materials for our two unofficial foster sons), we got a free two week subscription to Netflix, and then our 19 year old daughter did the same thing and liked it so well she bought a paid subscription. The result was, in order to 'get our money's worth' the entire family glutted on movies. Whereas formerly we had a standing rule that there was no more than one movie per week, we've been watching one a night- and sometimes more. Disgusting.
After just a couple of months of this I can see the difference, particularly in our youngest two (11 and just recently 14). They are doing fewer creative things. They are more fractious. They are reading less. Their conversation is less interesting. They, and I, are less willing to spend time on processes with delayed gratification- such as baking bread from scratch, making yogurt, art projects with several steps and long drying out times between steps, reading longer books, laundry... The results of this experiment are, for our family, completely unsatisfactory and we are returning to our one movie a week, if not fewer, rule. Within days of implementing it, my children have been getting along better, more active, more interesting, and showing some of their old initiative.
Our television watching has been commercial free, so we haven't had that to deal with. However, years ago when we lived in Okinawa we observed the effects of commercials on children in an interesting fashion- this accounts for four of the five years we had television. Since we were on a military base, there was only one English speaking channel, and it was commercial free. Instead of commercials, we had public service announcements, and short 'ads' about some event in history. Our next door neighbor's father back stateside recorded Saturday morning cartoons for his 5 or 6 year old grand-daughter and sent them several video tapes. We were amazed, though in retrospect I wonder why, at the instant response to those ads. She immediately began to clamour for toys and cereals she'd never heard of but now believed she needed instantly. Her mother called her to breakfast during one of those commercial breaks, and the child sat glued to the floor, insisting that she couldn't leave the room because the man on the television had told her "Don't go away, we'll be right back!"
Getting rid of cable isn't a deprivation. It's an opening into a new life. Television isn't just about all the things you're seeing that really are not that profitable, but about all the things that are not being done while you're watching television, all the creative thoughts you'll never have, the walks you aren't taking, the projects you aren't undertaking, the genuine interaction that isn't going on during those hours.
Living without television isn't a hardship. It's a blessing.
15 Responses to “Frugality Isn’t Deprivation. It’s Doing The Kids (and you) a Favor”
March 12th, 2010 at 8:23 am
Agreed! We cancelled our cable five or six years ago and I am so thankful! At the time we assumed that we would get a couple of channels with the antenna, and could still watch a few of our favorite shows, but we get nothing.
DH and I do watch movies occasionally, and the kids maybe an hour a week of kids’ shows on DVD, but that’s it.
Not only does it save us money, but I am so glad my kids aren’t growing up with the TV a constant distraction and temptation. We really notice a difference as well when we’re at the grandparents’ house where there is cable – my kids always ask to pause it so they can go the bathroom, lol. It’s so hard to explain to them that we can’t because they have no frame of reference for what live TV is.
They do seem to be more creative and independent than their peers who watch more TV.
March 12th, 2010 at 8:33 am
we didn’t sign up for cable when we moved because we wanted to get setted in first. a year and a half later we still haven’t gotten it.
it helps a lot for adults too – i don’t have those “my wardrobe sucks” moments while watching what not to wear. i don’t have house lust while watching house hunters. i’m just more content.
March 12th, 2010 at 8:56 am
We cancelled cable when our 5 year old was an infant because she would cry every time the television set was on.
We found it a difficult transition for a few months, but can’t imagine our former lives any more even though we can remember.
Instead of spending two or three hours a day watching mindless shows we play with our kids (we added another daughter to the mix two years ago) or have conversations.
Honestly, it opened up a world of opportunities to us! We’ve developed new talents and added new skills.
Like you, we find that when the girls watch too many movies (using our DVD player or VHS player) they have difficulty playing nicely together and their creativity is hampered a bit. But one movie spread out over several days actually helps to stimulate their creativity and the plot is often incorporated into their imaginative playtime.
We *know* our family isn’t missing anything and have proof that our kids won’t gorge themselves on television when they leave home.
My oldest child is 18 and regularly spends time away from our family visiting his biological father. Their family has cable tv and my son returns with stories of how awful the shows are and he tells me how glad he is that we don’t have cable because it’s just a waste of time. He’d rather read a book.
March 12th, 2010 at 9:22 am
Amen!
We cancelled our cable altogether about 6 months ago, and we STILL watch more TV than we should since we have one that is new enough to get reception after the digital changeover. Its so easy to turn it on for one of the two shows we regularly watch each week, then it just stays on.
If you want the convenience of Netflix without the glut of movies, sign up for their bottom plan. A max of 2 movies per month for $4.99. That is what we have since we like the selection on Netflix. Our account has been on hold for a while though while we debate if we want to keep it. More expensive than Redbox, but no driving.
March 12th, 2010 at 9:43 am
we too lived for years without a tv and without cable. i’m probably around the same age as you and i can remember not having cable til after i graduated from high school. my parents didn’t totally cut off our lives to tv but it was very regulated.
i’m glad you are happy with your choices, and it sounds like your kiddos really need a limit on their watching time. but not all families react to tv the same way as you described. we have chosen to have a tv and to have the basic cable package becuz it fits into our values. we watch movies together with our spec needs 12 yr old son. there aren’t many things we can enjoy together as a family becuz of his dx but he loves movies. my husband and i enjoy watching tv news, esp news you can’t get thru the other mediums. and sports. we can’t afford to buy tickets to games,pro or college but we were able to follow the BSU football games last fall (very inmportant as hubby is graduating this may from BSU–lol)
since we have lived without tv and lived with it, we are very cognizant of when its eroding our quality of life.
and yes, i would agree with that blogger that obamas stance seems a little harsh. there are children that who have not had ” ” (you fill in the blank) who go overboard when they leave the family home. you see it in the amish community, in christian circles and elsewhere. and i believe it is cuz, they have heard what they missed from peers and wonder, so they check it out themselves. not every child, i think alot depends on the personality of the child.
good post to provoke thinking.
March 12th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
I really wish I could convince my husband that tv wasn’t a necessity. I could probalby live the rest of my life not having regular tv. I do enjoy a movie once in a while but I would rather listen to music. I still try to convince him to get rid of it thinking that some day maybe he will see my view lol.
I do not see a problem with what the Obama’s do as far as tv because it says they do not watch it during the week. It doesn’t say they dont watch any on the weekend. I think this is a good way to make sure that studies and family life are well taken care of since so much of a day goes to school during the week.
March 12th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
We went without cable for 8 years. We gave it up when I quit teaching to become a SAHW. Then we got cable again. Had it for 2.5 years, but cancelled it in January. We realized it was a waste of money. Three hundred or so channels and nothing on. We’re not huge TV watchers here. We did enjoy a few shows on BBC America or the History Channel or Syfy, but overall, it was a huge waste of money.
Admittedly, I often found myself wasting time because I’d turn on the TV while I folded laundry, then I’d be sucked into something for the next hour or so. Ridiculous.
We bought an HD antenna, which my husband installed in the attic. I’m surprised at just how many channels we get with that thing. But still, we rarely use it. We do have the $8.99/month Netflix subscription. Much cheaper than cable, and we get to watch stuff on our own time. This is a much better solution for our family.
I don’t agree with Obama politically, but I do think he and his wife are doing a nice job of raising their girls. I hardly see how not being allowed to watch TV during the school week is going to turn those girls into TV gluttons in college. It’s not as if they’re being completely deprived of all TV. And even if they were, it doesn’t mean they’ll be unable to control themselves in the future.
March 12th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Loved this post! I grew up without TV, then when I was about 13 my parents got a set with bunny ears (no cable) and tried to be cautious with what we watched. After my husband and I married, we had cable for a couple of years, then cancelled it cold turkey. We’ve never looked back and have been married for over ten years. My kids don’t miss out on TV; if anything they live a richer, fuller life without it. Growing up without a TV helped cultivate a voracious reading habit in my sister and I, and I hope to see the same happen with my boys.
I read a book by Steven Maxwell (Raising Sons to Provide for a One Income Family) that talks about TV in a chapter or two; he mentioned that we need to be careful with the appetites that we “feed” in our children, especially in regards to television and movies.
Some great points were made in this post and in the comments. Thanks for sharing!
March 12th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
I can’t figure out why no T.V. on week-days is ‘harsh’ at all. Kids can unwind lots of other ways than watching T.V., and it’s just television, after all.
The comment about seeing kids from the Christian community go overboard when they leave and get to choose for themselves made me giggle.
I grew up and went to an even more conservative stance than my parents (as did my husband).
Some of my children *have* left home. My oldest two are 26 and 25 and they are both married, one has a baby. Both of them married men who love their television and movies, and both of them discussed this before marriage and got their husbands to agree on a no-t.v. AT ALL stance for their children until they are six years old. So my children, rather than diving in to what they’d ‘missed’ actually went stricter than we did.
We no longer put any limitations on what the 19 and 20 year olds can watch, of course, and they aren’t interested in watching television all day, either, or even more than a movie a week.
I don’t think it depends on the child, I think it depends on the family, and how they did things. If it’s all about the NO TV BECAUSE IT’S EVIL, with nothing fun in its place, then I think it’s more likely that the kids ‘rebel.’ But if it’s about, “meh, what a waste of time, let’s do this instead,” then I think the kids are more likely to be on board, or even, as mine have, go further.
Reactionary vs Actionary, in other words.
March 12th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Seriously?? People don’t think the Obamas are right in withholding TV during the week for their girls? THEY LIVE IN THE WHITE HOUSE! There is so much to do there, so much they should be soaking up and learning and taking advantage of, people to talk to and learn from…TV in the White house would be like an unnecessary sugar diet. There’s always time for TV…They only get four years in the White House.
March 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Ridiculous.
Michele Obama is both fortunate and unfortunate in that she can let everyone know what her standards are – and then be the recipient of criticism for those standards. But each parent decides what is best for their family. No TV on weekdays is harsh? Please. No FOOD on weekdays is harsh (tongue firmly in cheek, hope YKWIM). TV is hardly a necessity for good parenting.
We let our boys watch 30 minutes of Discovery some weekdays, or play 20 minutes of videogames – provided their chores and homework are done, and dependent on other activities. With those parameters in place, TV/game time doesn’t happen too often. We give them more leeway on the weekend… but the chores & homework still have to be done.
Will my kids rebel and play hours of videogames or watch nonstop TV when they hit college? Maybe for a month or two, and then they’ll get bored.
We tell our kids, “This is life: you do want needs to be done (in their case, chores/homework/etc.; in our case, work/housework/etc.) and then you get to play.”
We never had cable when I was a kid, either. In fact, one family tradition included RENTING a VCR and movie on Saturday nights at the video store. Yep, we were poor… and to this day, I watch less than an hour of TV a week. I love me some Office. :b Our own “family tradition” is watching America’s Funniest Home Videos together on Sunday nights. Much laughter = much sleep.
March 12th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
i for one disagree with the “no tv” period. particularly in todays world. as long as parents use good judgement on what they and their children watch and how much, i say let ‘em have it. my family got the first little bitty black and white tv when i was ten yrs. old and we got to watch disneyland, bonanza, before being told it was bedtime. if we were really good and it was poor weather outside on saturday, we got to watch some cartoons, i love lucy, and roy rodgers. tv opened a lot of doors that led to decent lives.
March 13th, 2010 at 12:26 am
I have yet to convince my spouse we do not need the T.V. I grew up without and learned to love reading. I very seldomly watch. My kids on the other hand are addicted to screen time – T.V., Wii games, or computer games.
My problem is the time I can waste on the internet. I teach a university class and use the computer extensively for their homework assignments (submitting and grading). Then while I’m online I read all sorts of news/blogs and pretty soon I’ve wandered over to the solitaire-type games and lost all track of time. How do you manage to ration your time on the computer effectively?
March 18th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
We have been visiting my folks for the last week and a half, an dour tv time has gone from an hour a week, to an hour a day (minimum). Our kids have also gone crazy. they have been fighting and bickering and I couldn’t figure out why. I thought maybe they missed Daddy for the last couple days, but now I am more susupicious of tv. How do I ocnvince nana and papa (who are tv addicted) that my kids don’t need to watch so much?
Its their house, and the tv is always on.
April 1st, 2010 at 9:24 pm
i wish my husband would see that it’s a MAJOR WASTE OF MONEY!!!! i rarely turn on the tv when he’s at work (12hr shifts) because i am mostly on the computer, but its cheaper than cable, and i can still watch some of fav shows on hulu.com or rent it from netflix. But he insists on having it to watch football, basketball. the most annoying thing he does is be on the computer and watch tv at the same time. In my opinion it should be one or the other but not both, and i always feel like we dont really spend time together to reconnect. i would be happy without cable. besides i hate their loud commercials ever since the remote broke and i can’t mute them, arghhh, it’s so annoying. i grew up on tv, to say it’s a hinder me in my adult life i will never truly know but i’m a pretty creative person, and i really enjoy reading something i hated to do as a kid. cable is not a necessity in my opinion.
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