Are you teaching frugality or just being broke?
Pc3 is the husband of KimC and the father of 9 children. He blogs occasionally with the rest of the family at Life in a Shoe.
As I think through frugality from a father's point of view, one concern that I have is whether I'm communicating good stewardship to my children or if I just look cheap. Do my children understand that we're forgoing purchases self-consciously, or do they think we're being capricious in what we choose to spend money on?
One of the ways that I believe you raise children who refuse to live frugally is constantly telling them you don't have any money while you're indulging your own small pleasures. A meal at Burger King, a soda at the gas station, or even a pack of gum is - I think - enough to broadcast a message to your kids that says, "We're not broke. Dad's just cheap."
One of the ways that Kim and I have tried to mitigate this in the past has been to self-consciously say things like, "We're not spending money on that right now," or "That wouldn't be a good use of our money right now," instead of saying we can't afford it.
I have two questions for you. I want to know what you think.
Do you think it's important to communicate self-conscious frugality to your family instead of stinginess?
How do you do it?
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10 Responses to “Are you teaching frugality or just being broke?”
February 24th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
This is a really good point. Here’s what I’ve been doing:
I explained to my children that at this point in time, our income comes from the hours Daddy works, and we have to decide what is more important to us: The time with Daddy, or the (fill in the blank). I tell them that I choose the time with Daddy, and hope that they will, too. They are little, mind you, and once my husband’s PhD is done, we will be frugal for different reasons (like actually having a retirement fund and a rainy day account saved up–oh, and those pesky student loans) but for now, equating hours worked for each un-needed item seems to fit the bill.
February 25th, 2009 at 4:03 am
Great words of wisdom
My daughter is now 22 and I can ask her myself as to what was conveyed
She stated she knew we did not have extra money but like that I taught her to save for what she really wanted to have
Also that she learned we may not be able to purchase something right now but I would not forget that she was interested in the product. It often showed up as a gift later on.
February 25th, 2009 at 9:30 am
We try to teach this. Our two kids still at home are in college now. For many years we have tried to explain that with limited funds we have to make wise choices. They don’t feel deprived because we have included them in conversations about what we will/won’t purchase and why. They both wanted to go away to college, but we showed them how that wouldn’t fit the budget. Instead, we purchased an old car for them to share to get to the local State U, we pay insurance and repairs, they pay for gas. We also have tried to be more generous with them than with ourselves, such as scrimping on our anniversary dinner to be able to pay the fees for honor societies for them.
February 25th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
My daughter is 8 and is learning to be a good steward already. We explain that we are given all our money by God. He has asked for at least 10% back. He desires more, of course, to fund the different aspects of His kingdom on earth. Then, with the rest, He espects us to be good stewards so He can bless us more. We just look at what we get for the price and determine if it has the value it claims to. We really don’t make it about not having enough money (God has blessed us richly) but about being good stewards. Sure, we can afford to go out to dinner, but we can spend the same amount of money and host a dinner in our home to bless others in fellowship, or lavish the unbeliever with Chrit’s love. It is a choice.
PS….I think you should have “good steward” on your title bar. It is the most important as it is the one that is required of us as believers.
February 25th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
@Jillian
You’ve got a great approach on 2 fronts. 1.) you are helping your children to see and honor their father’s hard work. 2.) Staring at a young age to help them understand the responsibility of deciding where to put scare resources and it will serve them well in the future.
@lynette355
Great points! I think core to what I’m saying is having our children see us practice delayed gratification, but not PERMANENTLY delayed gratification.
February 26th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
When I heard “don’t confuse what you want now with what you want most” it really helped me stay focused and skip the vending machine
February 26th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
@A.D.
You are right! Including the kids in the conversation is vital to this process. I admire the way you are sacrificing for your children.
@Kelly L
Seeing yourself as a steward entrusted with God’s resources in a point we try to reminds our children of. We are constrained by the Lord’s priorities when we spend. Good comment
February 26th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@xiousgeonz
That is a great perspective to keep. Thanks for the comment.
February 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
The way we often phrase things is “that’s not in our budget right now.” That’s not to say that it never will be, just that we presently have other priorities.
February 27th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I thonk you HAVE TO teach your children about money and about using it wisely. An example of what we do is like what I told my 7 yr old son the other day. We went grocery shopping, and they know that I get a lot of stuff for paying out very little. He asked if we could stop and get something to eat (mind you we ate BEFORE we left and this was 2 hours later). I told him we didn’t need to stop and eat. He whined a bit. And then I told him, if we spend money on stopping somewhere to eat, especially when we don’t really need to, then we would have less money to do things that we REALLY want to do like camping this summer or getting movies, or whatever. Then I asked if he would rather get something to eat now, or if he would like to save the money for something else later. He (thankfully) replied, “we should save it for later”.
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