The Single Gal Seeks a Mate
It's not a secret that one of the biggest reasons cited for divorce is money. If you're seeking a mate, or are in a relationship that may lead to marriage, it is important to pay attention to how your potential mate handles money.
It may not be the most romantic thing to contemplate, but it is practical, and important.
Once you have made the decision to marry, it is important to lay everything out on the table. You may be the hippest of the frugal set today, but are you still paying off your ginormous college credit card debt that led you to a more frugal path? He needs to know about it. What are your credit ratings? What are both of your goals? What are you attitudes towards debt- how much debt is okay? How much money do you have to have in your checking account to feel comfortable? All of these are valid questions to ask somebody that you are about to merge your financial life with.
This is not to say that you should demand financial statements on your first date, or even that your potential mate needs to be perfect in his handling of money. But there are red flags to watch out for if you're aiming to have a debt free life.
For example, does he work part time at a fast food restaurant, but have an apartment stuffed with the most up to date electronics? Does he consider keeping a car longer than six months crazy? Does he go on expensive once in a lifetime vacations...every three months? Does he insist that something can only be good if it is expensive? Does he refuse to buy anything on sale, and shudder at the idea of buying something secondhand? Red flag. He may have a trust fund, or he may be depending on credit cards or loans.
On the other hand, does he work 90 hour weeks in an extremely well paid profession, but considers a "hot date" anything that he does not have to pay for? Does he not turn on his heat in the winter to save money, or skimp on basic necessities? While being frugal is great at any income level, it's important to make sure that your potential mate is not being cheap being a bit too frugal for your tastes. A partner who is too much of a tightwad can cause the same kind of conflicts that marrying a spendthrift can.
This is not to say that people who are super frugal or super spendthrift can't change. They can. Many have. However, you are not necessarily going to change that person's habits. Do not go into a marriage thinking that you will get them to stop gambling, or spending money on big screen TV's before paying the rent, or that once he's earning more money, the spending will level out. He may change, but I get a lot of e-mail from people asking how they can make their spouse quit spending money or racking up debt. Considering the spending habits of a potential mate is best done BEFORE the wedding, before the relationship starts gets serious, if possible.
Next week: Resources for the Single Gal!
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7 Responses to “The Single Gal Seeks a Mate”
November 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Very good advice! A couple also needs to discuss if they are going to combine accounts. Will all money coming in be treated as OURS? Or will it be a His-and-Hers thing? (Based on the letters in advice columns, I’d say that the his-and-hers method doesn’t always work too well.) Who will handle the money in marriage? Are both partners willing to live within a budget?
As you said, not very romantic, but very important! Too many people enter marriage with the idea that love will make everything work out. Romantic thought, but love isn’t practical and can’t take care of the day-to-day basics of living.
November 4th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I like the his and hers method, but then again if we started a family, I’d want a joint account to contribute to…
We’re totally the budgeting types! WOO HOO!
November 4th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Great post, and very important. Wise decision to post on this subject.
November 5th, 2008 at 5:51 am
Also who is going to handle the budget. Two people can not pay bills at the same time. It falls on one or the other always.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:38 am
All these things are very good advice, but I’d add that maybe you should talk about all this BEFORE you decide to get married. Sometimes, once you make the decision to marry, it snowballs and you feel obligated to follow through, even though there are red flags a flyin’.
November 6th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Excellent point, Jules! It does not have to be on a first date, but when things start seeming serious, it’s time to talk about money!
November 7th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Great post. I get a lot of women asking what they can do to make their husbands get organized. My responce is always communication and you can only change you.
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