Good Neighbor
This won't be entirely new to those of you who read our regular blog and have already 'met' my great grand-mother, because we're actually out of town this week, camping with friends. This post (and all the posts at our regular blog) is pre-scheduled. However, I always like to give good value, so there's a little something extra that you might not have seen before.=)
My great-grandmother- my maternal grandmother's mother- raised four wonderful children with her husband, and then her husband died. She lived alone in the Chicago area for many years, renting out part of her house to boarders to pay the bills. She moved to a nursing home when I was a child, and she died there somewhere between my sixth and eighth birthday. I remember visiting her there.
Before she moved to the nursing home, she moved to a small town near her oldest daughter and youngest son. Her closest relations (my grandmother) lived in the next town over (about 12 miles), and her youngest son lived about 90 miles away. She had not grown up in that small town where she lived the last 'free' years of her life. After her children were grown and married, she and her husband bought a house in that tiny town for weekend visits and vacations near the grandchildren. It was quieter and cleaner. At some point after my great-grandfather died, she sold up her place in the big city and came to the small town to live for good. So she only moved into town permanently when the youngest of her four children already had three children of his own and she was already elderly. Sounds lonely, doesn't it? These entries are from the first two weeks in July of 1960:
Monday, June 27- paid electric bill (6.05); church (5.00); gave some money to two grandchildren (two and three dollars)
Tuesday, June 28
A family whose name I cannot read came to visit her, bringing a peach cake, a couple of fresh eggs, and some potatoes he dug 'fresh from the garden.'
Wednesday, June 29th- 'worked around. Watched Television. Did my handwashing.'
Thursday, June 30- 'Washed my hair. Mrs. Lewis came up and set it. Esther brot me a dish of lovely lettuce- then Eleanor came in with a dish pan full of such lovely lettuce.'
Friday- July 1- 'Mrs. Lewis came to comb out my hair. Mrs. A. brot eggs for me. Then Martha A. cleaned my house. Did such a good job.'
Saturday July 2- Paid tax (can't read what tax this is, but it cost her 20.60)
Anne (her married daughter from the town 12 miles over) got my groceries. Watched television.
Sunday, July 3- Loafed around. Got my dinner (that's lunch around here), Anne's [this is her shorthand for 'Anne's family}; Chuck and Mrs T. (Chuck's mother) took me to K. (another small town) to see a part of their centennial. Watched television in evening.
Monday July 4- "Worked around. Anne's (that's not a typo, that's how nearly all of my relatives wrote when they meant something more like 'Anne, her husband, and the children') came for me in the afternoon. had a cookout at the farm. Such a lovely evening. Had good food. Then Charles and Chuck shot off fireworks." (that farm is just up the road from me).
Tuesday, July 5- (paid the telephone company 5.00, her doctor 10, and something I can't read 44.)
Wednesday July 6- worked around. Hip stiff so it goes slow. Watched television.
Thursday, July 7- 'Did a few odd jobs. Paid water (2.00). Eleanor brot me a pan of beans and a pan of bibb lettuce. So good. The Erdman girls came over with their colored films of the parade and projector and screen. Such good pictures.'
Friday, July 8- Worked around. Watched television.
Saturday- July 9- Anne came over- got my groceries- had a good visit
Sunday, July 10- Home all day. Mrs. Evans brot me two pieces of chicken for my lunch or dinner. Visited a while.
Monday and Tuesday, the 11 and 12, her hip was really paining her and she only says 'hip not good,' 'rested a lot more.'
Wednesday, July 13 sh got a letter from one of her children who lived in another state. He told her she'd be a great-grandmother again in January. And she listened to the radio with her grandon who lived in the next town over. She writes: "Dems convention is a far cry from the McKinley delegation Dad Pearl and I watched so long ago."
I'm fairly certain that's this McKinley:
William McKinley, Jr. (January 29, 1843 – September 14, 1901) was the 25th President of the United States, and the last veteran of the Civil War to be elected. By the 1880s, this Ohio native was a nationally known Republican leader; his signature issue was high tariffs on imports as a formula for prosperity, as typified by his McKinley Tariff of 1890. As the Republican candidate in the 1896 presidential election, he upheld the gold standard, promoted pluralism among ethnic groups, reshaped the issues of the day and inaugurated the Fourth Party System.
She continues on July 14, Thursday:' Worked around. Watched television. This convention is one big sham.'
This is the convention she was talking about.
But what interests me is that in this small community where she had not grown up, didn't even come to until she was already a grandmother, this practically housebound elderly woman had over a dozen visitors in two short weeks. Bringing a film, projector, and screen to show an elderly widow the local parade can't have been an easy project for the 'Erdman girls,' whoever they are. This was community.
And community is an integral part of living frugally.
""If America slides into another period of economic turmoil as severe as the Great Depression, which I think is likely, I hope you will encounter only the kind of hard-working, honest people my grandmother dealt with." ...
"I suggest you surround yourself with people who are honorable, and develop a plan for what your group will do to help each other if an economic crisis - or, who knows, an earthquake, hurricane, you name it - creates a temporary period of turmoil. I am convinced that forming a well-prepared group of trustworthy friends is by far the best investment you can possibly make." "October 2008 EWR
Whether we hit another period of severe economic turmoil or not, we can build our own community by caring for those around us. Because my husband was in the military for 20 years, and before that my father had very itchy feet and we moved almost as frequently as military folk, I have seldom lived anywhere more than four or five years.
Several years ago I realize how permanence alters your interactions within your community when we were visiting my uncle in this small town, and I was unhappy with some local business transaction and wanted to go there and give them a piece of my mind.
"You can't do that," my uncle said. "I live here, and I have to do business with these people again."
Now we live here, and I see what he means. When your community is fluid and transitional, you can take umbrage, you can shun somebody who annoys you badly. When you live in a small pond, you have to learn to get along. You realize you'll be seeing this person for the rest of your life, so you might as well try to get along. Issues that are huge annoyances and friendship breakers in other places are quirks that neighbors accept in order to keep the community wheels moving smoothly.
And as you commit to your local area, those in it commit in turn to you. The thing is, we all long for community, but often in a selfish way- we want a community of 'like-minded people,' people who share our beliefs, our values, our standards. We seek to build this artificially and conveniently (fast-food, instant community) by finding those who already think pretty much as we do.
But what if we reached out to the community that was already actually physically around us? What if we accepted that it might take years to build the community we long for, years of sharing time, energy, commitment, personal investment into the lives of those around us?
When you see something like a fifty pound bag of carrots on sale for .25 a pound, you could call four or five neighbors, parents of your children's friends, people you go to church with or work with, and ask if they would like to go in on it with you so you can split it up into smaller lots.
When it's time to plant a garden perhaps you can find other people who garden- who many not have anything else in common with you, and suggest that if you each buy a different package of seeds, then you could divide up the seeds among you.
When you see a good price at a gas station, you can call two or three people you know to let them know.
When you bake muffins, set aside four muffins for the scuppies (socially conscious yuppies) up the street, even if you think they despise your five kids and a mini-van lifestyle (and vice-versa).
Friends of ours lived in an apartment complex where pretty much everybody was struggling financially.
Once a week they got together for a potluck stew. Each family contributed one or two dollars worth of ingredients, which were all combined into one large, pot, making a delicious stew, giving each family far more variety and nutrition for the buck
than they would have had with their own $2 worth of ingredients. It was a BYOB party- BYOB standing for 'Bring Your Own Bowl.'
Look around you for people with whom you can share hand-me-downs, information, labour, and resources- and share those things, whether you 'like' those people or not, whether they agree with you politically or religiously or not. Just be a good neighbor.
In case you're wondering- I haven't been. I'm writing this post for me.
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6 Responses to “Good Neighbor”
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:08 am
I got teary-eyed reading your article. I loved the journal entries and I very much appreciate the philosophy you are striving for in regards to community living. I’m going to share it with my readers too. Thank you!
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:41 am
I was reminded of my husband’s grandmother when you wrote of your GGM. She raised 7 kids after her husband died when she was around 40. She never drove and didn’t have any money. All the boys had to go to work to start bringing in money for the family. Her home was a tiny little home -about 900 square feet- but so full of love. She is the one that would sit with whoever was in the hospital for three days. She could have a full meal within 20 minutes when you surprised her with a visit. She gardened until she died. She had ladies pick her up each week for church. She constantly had people drop in – even exes of her children or grandchildren- because you knew that she truly loved you even if you weren’t perfect (believe me, some of her boys turned into real jerks that drank and cheated on their wives)
I live in a nice neighborhood with beautiful houses. I know three people in our neighborhood. We have been here a year this Thanksgiving. but it is sad how people sit inside. Everyone is friendly and waves or says hi when you pass, but noone knows the need of others. I think most people pretend to be in control.My neighbor and I have shared some of our vegetables. She is Chinese so she shared a chinese cucumber and chinese pears with me. I gave her some tomatoes.
Our church has a yahoo email where people post prayer requests. It has turned into a place where people post garage sales and sometimes post a great deal at the store. It is nice to see some of this happening.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
funny that maybury mentioned hurricanes…we had a neighbor who couldn’t fathom how everyone on our street was sharing what they had (muscles, tools, tarps, info). while he sat inside, his generator polluting with smoke and noise, we had a great block party with camping lanterns and grills, sharing what had defrosted and would spoil if not eaten.
caring for others can’t be taught, but it can be modeled. my kids went door to door before the storm with a list, asking for contact #s of any folks leaving the area, so we could look out for their homes.
community isn’t homogenous, but it is rewarding and vital to raising kids with values.
October 4th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Thank you for the convicting words *and* useful suggestions. It’s a very handy combination. I’m going to call my neighbor tomorrow about sharing a 50 lb. bag of carrots, and a 50 lb. bag of onions, each purchased for around 25 cents/lb, more or less.
And it’s no coincidence that next Tuesday is the national Night Out. Y’all get out there and meet your neighbors. There’s probably a block party planned near you. Go make some friends. We plan to.
October 6th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Hi. I subscribe to your feed and I think this is my first comment. This post hit me hard. First, you wrote it for me too (not just you). I think I am a good neighbor because I say hi. I need to do more, and can do more, but my shy side comes out and that’s just silly.
Also I absolutely love the journal. What might seem mundane to me today may seem incredible to future generations.
When this whole economic situation started really picking up steam earlier this year, I prayed with my Bible study group that it be a time for us to reconnect what has been separated by material wealth. This post has really summed up, and exceeded those thoughts and I truly loved reading it.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:36 am
What I find striking is how similar those entries are to my grandmother’s diaries. I have those books from the 1950’s through early 1990’s. In the early years there are always people dropping by. Hardly a day goes by without a visitor or someone staying for a meal. Then in the later years, those visits become very, very infrequently. I think it is a sad commentary on our society/busy lives – or what we see as being “busy.”
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