Cheerful Frugality Eats Out

We have 2 toddlers – ages 3 and 2 – and I rarely buy meals for them at chain restaurants, and if I do, they share.

I try to think of it this way: I know my finances, and going to such places is usually an enormous treat and special occasion, just paying for mom and dad and older siblings.

Therefore, if they want our hard-earned money, this is how I purchase. As long as I pay for everything on our table, I really try not to let “false guilt” get under my skin.

The bottom line is this: If they did not let me feed my children this way, I would not be spending my money there.

Re the “fast food joint” perception–not yours, Meredith, but the general perception of it as a cheap meal–have you checked the prices at the Big Fast Food Places lately? Add them up for five people and we might as well go to a place with table service. No place outside of maybe the corner hotdog stand is really cheap these days.

Here is something we began doing recently. Not so much for the frugal aspect but for the calorie aspect.

When our family goes to McDonalds (2 kids, 2 parents) we ALL get the same thing. Hamburger Happy Meals. Sometimes get an extra medium fry to share depending on our hunger.

I love McDonalds – always have – but it just doesn’t work for wanting to eat more healthy and consume less calories. A hamburger Happy Meal has close to 600 calories (this is one hamburger, one very small fries and one small soda).

So 4 Happy Meals cost us about $11.00 (depends on the McDonalds). I think that is about the cheapest we can do on fastfood for the 4 of us.

We also do the Kids’ Meals at Taco Bell (2 soft tacos, cinnamon twists and soda). That costs closer to $15 for the 4 of us.

But like I said – this is a good way to “portion control” what we are eating. Less food and you tend to slow down your eating and enjoy it more (at least I try to do that!)

Cici’s Pizza!! Kids 3 and under (so both my kids) eat free. Adults are $4.99 for a pizza and salad buffet. Drinks are extra but we usually get water. So I can take my kids there for lunch w/ friends and pay about $5 for all three of us and our waters. And we all get as full as we want.

Also, I agree with the previous comment. Fast food is not cheap unless you stick with their Value Menu options. We definitely try to stay away from Happy Meals and kids meals. Adds up too fast.

I’ve read all of the comments from the post, and don’t see a problem with what you did, legally or biblically (sp?). Since we live far from our church, we eat out for lunch on Sundays. There are 2 chain places that offer 99 cent and $1.99 kid meals on Sundays, so we frequent there. My kids are 4 & 2 otherwise. The portions are just so big and like you said, usually a few bites is enough. As far as fast food, when we go I’ve started ordering off the dollar menu, chicken nuggets and milk – no fries, no toy. Makes it a lot cheaper and keeps more stuff out of the house and more junk out of their bodies

I still believe you were within the bounds of what’s RIGHT. Clear communication about your intent and adding a larger tip for the server kicks it up a notch to GRACIOUS. Thanks to your commenters who enlarged my perspective.

I’ve been thinking about this today, too, except from the standpoint of tips in general.

The Tip Culture is too well-established to ever change, but it grates on me. It seems manipulative and extortionary from both sides.

deb meyers

I personally don’t find anything wrong with splitting a meal with your young children. I have been there and done that! One way you can enjoy the “fast” food is to order it and bring it home. Then you can enjoy your meal and split it anyway you like!!

Meredith, I wish you would not let this bother you. You know in your heart that you would not steal so much as a strawberry. So do not let it bother you. Your wait person might have been having just a bad day, or had other personal issues going on. But giving the children the small burgers and fries and eatting the salad bar yourself was honest. There was not a thing wrong with that. You are a good person, your heart is always in the right place, and you are setting fine examples for your children. God bless. Roxie

I guess this is a strange question, but other than if you figure your tip using the total of your bill or a multiple of the taxes, how is the amount of the tip related to if you do or don’t order another meal?

I really think it is up to you how you choose to split your food, or what you choose to order. As is how you choose to tip.

I do keep in mind that the vast majority of restaurants don’t pay huge wages to their servers because they do expect them to earn tips.

But in my university days it wasn’t uncommon for many of us to get together at a really ‘chic’ restaurant and split 4 desserts between 8 of us. We did choose to tip handsomely, but that too, is a choice.

Anyhow… I guess I should go and read the other comments but for the fact that I figure it would probably be one of those instances where you can’t change a mind because it really is such an inconsequential thing and we tend to get a little ‘stuck’ on trivial things such as this!

You Americans don’t get it. In the Uk if you are poor (and much more so if you are broke) you don’t eat out. Ever Ever Ever.

I spent nearly 20 yrs of marriage without going out for a paid meal. It hasn’t killed me yet. I would counsel any young married couple who want to live frugally, to never eat out.

Oh!! They will be so horrified at such dreadful advice. How can a marriage survive? What will their friends think? (etc etc ad ad nauseum(

But the truth is that eating out is a privilege of the very wealthy. Don’t try to pretend otherwise.

H

Also, I think there is a difference between poor and frugal.

Poor means that you don’t have any options, and shouldn’t be eating out.

Frugal means that you want to make the most of the money you have, however much that may be.

Keep discount coupons in the car. Yesterday , my DH suggested we stop and get ice cream . We never do this , so I said sure . We spent my Rebates.com rebate on two servings of ice cream ! Later, when we returned home , I was reading the ad inserts for the Sunday paper and another ice cream store had a BOGO coupon in that days paper ! I was sad , I has not checked for a coupon first.

We don’t go out to eat too often with our 4 kids, but when we do, we generally bypass the big chain restaurants in favor of local ethnic eateries. This is easy for us since we live close to NYC and there are many ethnic cuisines to choose from – we are spoiled – but I think many places across the USA have Mexican, Chinese, even Thai is getting more and more “mainstream.” The prices are usually good – maybe not as frugal as the chain places, but OK. I like supporting local businesses owned by hardworking new Americans. I think of it as “educational” for my kids, in that I am exposing them to different cultures and cuisines. And usually, I find that the owners and staff genuinely seem to enjoy children in their establishments more than they do at those big chains (maybe because they are more of a rarity – but we always get special attention when we go out). I guess I would rather go out less frequently, but make the experience meaningful when I do. Fun topic!

Kate in NY

I would stop beating myself up over this RIGHT NOW, Meredith. You were up front about it and my guess is that you misinterpreted the waiter’s look (I hope). Otherwise he should get a job at a more upscale restaurant.

The one place we don’t share something (4 kids, ages 7, 5, 3 and non-eater) is at Logan’s (aka The Peanut Place) On Monday and Tuesday nights for the past 6 months or more they have had a deal where you can buy 2 adult meals (from a limited menu of about 12 options) for $12.99 total and the kids meals are $1.99 each. The 5 of us who eat can eat there for less than a fast food trip with “value” meals and kids’ meals. We drink water and the bill comes to $21.00 or so. And the food is so much better than anywhere else we can eat for that much (except home ) Even then, I work the side dishes for the kids so that they each get a slightly smaller portion of fried apples.

Relax. That stress can’t be good for the baby

Ok, I have to add my 2cents. I have three kids. I don’t eat at McDonald’s or Burger King nearly as much now with my kids, but when they were little and I was home full time we would get a simple burger for the kids and I would order a meal and supersize. We would all eat off the fries and drink. Sometimes I would order a double burger and use one for a child. At that age I was cutting up their food anyway and feeding them protein so it seemed natural. This was years ago, now my kids can eat as much or more than me. In, say, a grill type restaurant. My family will order a variety of meals and sides and while we might have one that is “ours” we share and the food that we don’t want we share. It works. I order bacon cheese burgers even though I don’t really care if I have bacon. I then distribute the bacon to my kids. My daughter is the only one who eats a kids meal now and she still orders one. When she is hungry she can eat the whole thing, when she isn’t she shares and my teenage boys will eat what she doesn’t want. We tend to go to family restaurants or a local place less than a block away. Nothing fancy. I don’t see a problem with ordering as we do. We tip well when we have good service. We don’t order kids meal for adults. My kids don’t order drinks, unless they come with a kids meal that they are eating.

The one thing that amazes me is that if I take my kids to Friendly’s (a New England chain) my 15 year old will still happilly order a kids meal. He doesn’t want an adult meal, he LOVES the kids meals and he gets plenty to eat. I will order him a side salad (that comes with the meal) to increase the food and nutrition. It kills me to see this 6′ boy eating a kids meal so happilly.

Over all when we go out we think of the food that is brought out to our table as the families food. Much like it is at our dinner table. We share and we eat enjoying it.

Now to the person who commented about eating out. You are right, but I suspect some of us aren’t necessarilly poor, but we watch where our money goes. Both my husband and I have Master’s degress. We are pretty solidly middle class, however we don’t have a huge income. So we make do with what we have.

Barb C

As to what Henrietta said:
I think that in the UK there are not as many “in between” restaraunts as there are here; especially in the smaller towns. You don’t have to be “very wealthy” to eat out at Baja Fresh or Red Robin.

That said, we like going to Baja Fresh or Qdoba. These are both “quick serve” chains that serve “fresh mex” (ie not loaded with cheese). Red Robin is very family friendly–noisy with baloons and crayons.

I missed something.

We have taken our 10 month old to a few restaurants with us (Well, at various times through his short life. He’s 10 months now) We have not yet ordered a meal for him. Now that he is eating solids, we’ve fed him mouthfuls off of our plates. He pretty much turns his nose up at everything restaurant, so far . However note: the food he is eating is food we bought. Its not like we went to a buffet and are sharing.

If the restaurant has a problem with this, it is just a matter, to me, that they do not want our business. Because if we could not take our son, neither my husband nor I would eat there.

You know this got me thinking of a discussion I had with a friend the other day.

I was shocked to find out that she felt I was starving my large 8 year old son (as in he is as tall as my mother!) a child’s meal at a restaurant. Not only that, but my daughter and I also ordered child meals because it was take out.

I was just as shocked to find out that she even orders her 3 year old adult meals because she feels that they aren’t getting enough food otherwise!

I tried, as diplomatically as I could, to explain the expanding portion sizes and how we’ve dramatically increased our waists because of this inflation! More over, my son pointed out at home that it’s her family with the weight issues.

So there you go, perspective from another side! No wonder she can’t figure out why she can’t cut her food budget for a family of 5 under $700 a month!

I was a waitress myself many years ago and I never thought anything of people sharing an entree, especially with children. My children are all older and big eaters now, but we used to let them share entrees with each other or with us, and we usually ordered water to save the cost of a drink. I see nothing wrong with that.

When my mom and I go out to lunch we share an entree. The portions are huge and we figure it’s better to share than to leave lots of wasted food. My husband is too big an eater to share. He’ll eat his entree and half of mine.

Meridith,
I truly hope that you did not take my comment on your blog as criticism. Having 5 children myself I totally understand how silly it is to pay $5 for a meal that your child will only take 2 bits of. I just wanted to explain from a restaurant perspective why they frown on it, not that I agree with them, kwim?
I think that if you go back up and read Meangoose’s comment on here that she says it so much better than I ever could, also having been a waitress for years. I loved waitressing for the most part, but it is hard work and they are human after all. I think that Meangoose says it all very well, much better than I could have!

We are, I guess what most people would call fairly poor. We have been really poor and yes, we never ever, ever ate out unless someone took us out. Otherwise we usually go out around my husband’s and my birthdays. There are two resteraunts here, one is Sizzler where on the monday after your birthday they give you a free dinner. My husbands birthday and mine are to days apart so we buy all the boys dinners and since it is a buffet there is not much waitress service as you order up front so tipping is not as much.
The other one is a local tiny resteraunt that also gives you a free meal after your birthday up to $8.99 each (it is a cheap place with homemade style food). We buy the boys dinners, usually 3 dinners and a extra side of fries and they all eat happy with leftovers.
I will not order too much food because I think we have to order a meal per person, it is not right. It is wasteful and wrong. We take leftovers home and eat them for lunch.
The only other places we will go is a Chinese Buffet for lunch as it is cheaper than dinner and the young children are free and a Mexican place. You can order a extra large platter of Nachos and the children like that. My husband gets a hamburger even there and I order either a seniors or child plate (most places let you do that with a smaller appetite) and the cost is lower.
Really, I think we go out to eat altogether, maybe 4 times a year. We will on occasion buy a $5 pizza from Little Ceasers.

My husband and I go out to eat for a date a few times a year to celebrate an anniversary or special event and we always share a meal. We normally go some place pretty nice like the Outback steak house. We would be glutens to eat a whole meal ourselves and we are being good stewards of our finances.

We have three teen boys ages 18.17 and 14 there have been many times we’ve gone to Ruby Tuesdays, Apple Bee’s or others and they have shared a meal with me or someone else. Since one of us would not finish a full meal, there is no sense paying for the extra.