What Can I Bring? – Out of the Box Hospitality
Now that I've identified and overcome my hang ups about entertaining, (check the comments) we've been having lots of fun with dinner guests!
When we invite folks over, the first thing out of their mouths after they agree to come is, "What can we bring?" I used to answer, "Nothing, just come!" only to be met with guilt or insistence or have them show up with something anyhow, making everyone feel awkward. Bad, bad hostess.
It's taken awhile to suppress my inner Italian grandmother: "I cook; you eat!!" I've had to re-frame my thinking about why our guests want to bring something. I don't invite people over for the food they'll insist on leaving behind or to impress them with my "magnificent" {e'hem, cough} kitchen talent. I invite them because I like hanging out and enjoy their friendship! They come bearing gifts for the same reason.
Social issues aside, the main reason I hate to have folks bring anything is because I know that they will likely stop and purchase something that costs what the entire from-scratch meal cost to make. My frugal conscience goes into orbit at the extra expense of not buying things on sale and knowing I could make it for 1/4 the price of ready made. But if I don't suggest something, I know they'll feel awkward about coming empty handed. Or worse, they'll bring a gift that I won't be able to use and have to discretely dispose of. Or they'll bring a plant that I will kill! Much, much worse...
Rich and I have discussed the "what can I bring?" phenomena and my related guilt ad infinitum. On one hand we find that most people don't think anything of dropping $10-$15 or more for ready made stuff, and often splurge, because it's for someone else. (aaaah!!) On the other hand, although I enjoy cooking for a crowd, some of our guests feel like I'm slaving away in the kitchen. And that makes them uncomfortable! The conclusion we've come to? We (read I) need to get over it and accept their reciprocal offering of hospitality - no matter the cost. Considering others' feelings is frugal too.
Although I love to bake and have a whole host of delicious things up my sleeve, I generally suggest that company bring dessert. When dessert is taken care of, I can plan the basic meal around cheap, healthy ingredients and make a good, simple meal. That means no guilt for over spending on my end and I can take the gifts offered as they were intended: with love and friendship.
Curious about my menu? Last night, I fed 9 folks and have generous leftovers for about $15:
- Boneless chicken breasts stuffed with seasoned goat cheese - Chicken on sale for $1.79lb. I get the goat cheese for less at Sam's Club or Trader Joe's and only use just enough to flavor the chicken.
- Sweet brown rice risotto - I use a modified version of Rachael Ray's Easiest Risotto, only I made it with whole grain rice. If I'm using whole grain rice I have to use about a 1:3 ratio of rice to liquid, simmer rapidly, then after all the liquid is added, cover and simmer until tender. It takes about an hour with little fuss.
- Huge tossed salad with leaf lettuce, carrots, cukes & tomatoes and homemade dressing
For about the same price, our company brought 2 half gallons of ice cream, rainbow sprinkles, whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Everyone enjoyed the make your own sundaes.
What are some of your thoughts, struggles and resolution with "What can I bring?" Please tell me I'm not the only one suffering from "Italian Grandmother Syndrome"!
P.S. Has anybody done the math on cheap chicken pieces with bones vs. boneless breasts? By the time you fuss with the bones, it seems like it's cheaper, and you get more meat, when you buy boneless breasts even though they cost more per pound upfront.
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24 Responses to “What Can I Bring? – Out of the Box Hospitality”
April 16th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I know I struggle with people asking to bring things, I usually think I invited you over I’ll take care of it! I’m starting to realize that its fun to try others cooking as well
I’m having a dinner party on Sat but I will be making homemade ice cream and cones for dessert. Should I have my guests bring the salad? We’re thinking of doing an outdoor bbq because the weather has been amazing lately. If not a bbq something with chicken.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Try this
http://www.cheapcooking.com/costperserving.htm
Mary, mom to many
April 16th, 2008 at 9:36 am
I struggle with this and have decided to ask folks to bring a dessert, salad, or a drink (soda if it’s pizza or wine if it’s more complex food), depending on which one fits with the meal. Lately, we’ve been doing homemade pizza or calzones and soda has been great. We don’t ever purchase it ourselves, so it’s quite the treat!
April 16th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I did the math on chicken a while ago and it is a savings to buy the whole pieces only if you are buying the breasts full price. My local grocery store chain has frozen bags of breasts on sale buy one get one free so it comes out to $2 a pound for boneless breasts. That’s pretty darn cheap for this area and I don’t have to mess with it at all. After all, your time is worth money too! I only buy whole chicken for soup anymore.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I struggle with this mostly because one son and I are allergic to milk. It is nearly impossible to find foods ready to made that do NOT have milk, whey, casein, etc. Even brands of sourdough bread use a ‘dough conditioner’ with WHEY in it!
So my solution is rather unconventional–
I say “If you’ve got a favorite flavor to add to your coffee, I’d love to try it after dinner.” Some of my friends are also tea drinkers, and I’ll suggest some of the more ‘unusual’ flavors. In each case, it’s a quick errand for the guest and involves things they’re already familiar with.
I discretely read the labels of the coffee flavorings, and those I can’t have hubby takes to work, where he enjoys them with coworkers. Everybody wins!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Dirkey, I think a salad or drinks would be a good thing to suggest. Although I didn’t mention it, April did. Salads and drinks are two other good options. Because we buy lemons in bulk and generally make fresh lemonade, I don’t often think about drinks.
Mary, thanks for that link! At 79¢ for legs and $1.79 for boneless breasts, it’s a 5¢ difference per serving! (With breasts being more.) I suspected as much.
DY, we have allergies too. I love your suggestion! I’ll have to think how we can use that.
Thanks!!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I feel the same way you do when I invite someone over for dinner, but on the other hand, when I am invited I like to contribute as well because I want to bless back.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Some allergy tips: I keep a list in my planner of SAFE commercial foods (there are two items at Borders coffee shop, so it’s usually quite an effort to find a safe item to add) and a second list of ‘indulgences’ at the grocery. DATE THE LIST, because ingredient lists can and do change frequently. You probably KNOW all of this, *G*, so now turn that list of nice extras into an instant idea for hostess gifts.
My friend A loves good quality chocolate, so I’ve made a standing request for the *two* kinds of 2-oz candy bars we can have. Two bars sets the buyer back about $3.50, but one bar IS an ample, satisfying snack for the FOUR of us due to the rich flavor.
My friends know we’ve got allergies, and asking for a particular item makaes it easy for them to find something safe. I’ve a friend who is diabetic, and when he hosts our study group, I’ve made an effort to bring low-glycemic foods. It’s become a habit we both like1
April 16th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
::nodding::
My hubbyman calls us “bringers”. Those of us who compusively ask “what can I bring?” in any situation, that is. giggle.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
This is an area of hospitality I’m still feeling out…
At the moment, I’m tailoring it to the individual. If they are super health-conscious, I ask them to bring a salad (that way they are happy, knowing it is organic, and I don’t buy organic). If they’re not particularly health conscious, I’ll ask for sodas or a dessert. If I don’t need any of those things, bread!
April 16th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I guess I just know that my guests are “big people” meaning adults and they will spend what they can afford to spend when picking something up. I don’t even worry about the cost, other than not asking them to bring something that is going to be an obvious burden. I sometimes ask if they have certain things on hand, that way they don’t have to buy anything else and spend more money.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
When my daughter was still at home and we were entertaining her college friends, I always asked them to bring soft drinks since I don’t keep anything at home but diet Sierra Mist (I’m diabetic).
My favorite… If it is another person who likes to cook, I ask her if she has a special salad or side dish and I ask her to bring it and if she would be willing to share the recipe with me. One can always use another side dish.
My daughter’s oldest son and her husband have severe food allergies and my husband has moderate food allergies. Both of us always explain to guests why we have to control the food more than others.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
My usual response to, “What can I bring?” Is to tell them what I am planning for the main dish and ask them to bring their favorite side dish to compliment the main dish. A side dish is usually not as expensive to make and If they make something they love or a new recipe that they have been dying to try then it is an enjoyable experience for them as well. Sometimes when I know that price is an object for someone I will ask them to pick up a loaf of french bread at the market. You can usually buy a fresh loaf for under $2 and there’s lots that you can do with french bread to compliment a meal.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Sometimes I do want to control a meal in its entirety simply because I have an idea of the offering I’d like to make to my guests – perhaps I’m wanting to surprise or delight or comfort. These meals I regard the same way an artist might an empty canvas and I ask myself what my message is, what I’m trying to communicate.
Other meals lend themselves more readily to group preparation and in these cases I don’t hesitate. I don’t generally enjoy making salads so I frequently suggest such (in season) and I find that it can be nice to have a selection of desserts so will agree to that idea even if I’ve got something in mind.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I was glad to see that link on cost per serving. A few years back I was able to buy chicken leg quarters for 19 cents/pound and I did the math and weighed the bones, etc, and figured it was 1/2 bone and 1/2 meat. The calculator on that site confirmed my math. I wish I could still get leg quarters that cheap, but I never see them that low anymore.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Flowers — very affordable and it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Wine, I don’t drink so I’ll always forget that some people like to have something with their meal. Beer works too. Have them bring a game of some kind to play after dinner.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I usually go with either dessert or an appetizer– something that does not necessarily have to compliment the main menu.
I don’t really understand the guilt over what someone else may or may not spend on something readymade. I would not ask for anything cost prohibitive, and leave my guest with plenty of options. I have friends who love to cook and those who either are not as comfortable cooking or who are willing to spend more for the convenience of a
“pick up” option. Part of my role as a gracious hostess is to accept their offering without speculation or judgment on their spending choice.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
If I’ve got the meal down and someone asks, I’ll tell them to bring flowers. It’s great for the evening, and it’ll last afterwards to give us fond memories of a good time!
April 18th, 2008 at 7:47 am
I totally have the Italian grandmother syndrome! Aaak! And my dad is Italian so maybe it’s just in my blood. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this post because I can totally relate.
As the hostess, I usually say, “Please don’t bring something if it’s any trouble at all, but if you have wine/salad/dessert on hand that would be excellent.” (I don’t say all three, just one!) And I have a back up in case.
As guest, I love it when hostesses say , “Nothing, really, just come!” because it takes the pressure off. I can bring a bottle of wine or fresh bread as a gift, or if I’m running behind I know it’s okay just to come.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Oh–I forgot. About the chicken. In my experience, chicken pieces or whole chicken are the best value. We buy local naturally grown chickens, and use the carcasses and bones for making our own chicken stock/ broth, so nothing is wasted. I don’t like to buy just chicken breasts because of the premium price, and we also enjoy the dark meat.
April 19th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I am amazed. You all came up with some incredible ideas! Many thanks.
April 20th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I always buy the chicken breasts on the bone and debone them myself. I get the breast and the tender out of it and then throw the skin and bones is stockpot, throw in any random veggies that are laying around, some water, a few spices and let it cook for a few hours. After it’s cooled I put the pot in the fridge and let it cool. That makes it easy to skim the hardened fat from the top. This makes such yummy stock and then I freeze it using either zip locs or even freezing it into ice cubes. Those cubes make great butter substitute for sauteeing and cooking.
Another think that I do is to throw any leftover veggies from dinner each night into a cottage cheese container in my freezer. When it’s time to make stock I can just throw the contents right in frozen.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:58 pm
[...] the subject of meals on a budget, I found this post, What Can I Bring? – Out of the Box Hospitality over on the Frugal Hacks Blog. Post author Janel started an interesting discussion about frugality [...]
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:57 am
I have always told the person who is coming to bring dessert or a salad. If they spend a lot it is their choice. If I am asked to bring a dessert I know how to make thrifty choices. You are not automatically causing them to spend more than your meal by having them bring something. They may, but if so they probably spend like amounts all the time anyway.
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