When my sister and I were planning our weddings, my dad wanted us to spend less than we could afford, because most people can’t afford the expensive weddings that have become standard. (We couldn’t afford that standard ourselves, but he was encouraging us to spend much less.) Everyone feels like they have to put on at least as glamorous wedding as the last one, so too many people go into debt to pay for a wedding that keeps up with everyone else’s. Having a modest one would encourage couples who cannot do very much.

I think it’s the same way with entertaining. When someone else entertains on perfectly matched plates and silverware with beautiful glasses in a gorgeous home with a huge TV, I am tempted with envy. I start thinking that I need all those things and stop being satisfied with what I have. But when someone serves me a simple, cheap meal on mismtached plates in a modest home, my focus isn’t distracted to “things” and I dont’ start to feel bad about what I have.

Now, plenty of that is my own materialism that I have to deal with, but I think it helps to realize that other people are the same way. My guests are probably insecure about their own homes and decor (even if theirs are nicer!), and it wouldn’t make them feel better about anything even if I did have the means to put on an impressive event. Remembering that makes me feel better about doing what I can and helps me not to feel ashamed of, but rather thankful for, my humble circumstances.

Edith Schaeffer’s The Hidden Art of Homemaking inspired me to be more open with my entertaining, even if my apartment isn’t perfect and I don’t have much money. We can share what we have, we just have to get more creative.

If I used space as an excuse, I’d never have anyone over! I try to make the most of what I’ve got and have people over for lunch/dinner at least once a month, and we made an extra effort to do so after our son was born and our “babymoon” was over. My table only seats 4 plus a highchair, but we can pull the bench up and squeeze in 6 if needed.

I have a problem with wanting to do too much for my guests and spending too much money, so I have learned to use what I have in new ways. It’s all about the presentation — even a simple meal of soup and bread is great if you use cloth napkins!

Now, if I could just get some more parking at my house, I could invite lots of people over at once.

And now to address some of the specific concerns you mentioned.

We have a small TV, but then it’s in a small living room. The front of the TV is maybe six feet from the front of the couch. So a big TV would be painful! Still, since we’ve connected a bunch of wires to it, it’s no longer possible to roll it into another position, so we only have room for up to four friendly people on the couch and maybe one or two more on the floor. Sad. I like to have people over for videos (and related snacks) (and perhaps related costumes).

I also would like to say that anything home-made is considered to be fancy food these days. Even things that are only semi-home-made, like store-bought cookie dough baked at home and still warm from the oven. Freshly baked bread? So cheap to make! Yet so memorable! And if you have an actual theme to your party, food won’t have to be the focus. For example, I have been to clothing exchanges, informal music recitals and art shows, movie watching parties, board game parties, and most recently a house design party for people who just bought some land. No idea is too weird for a party! Plus people like to bring food and drink over.

Nonmatching glasses are good for parties: they help people remember which one is theirs. Also, everyone can pick out their favorite one, which is fun.

I like to think that if my house is basically clean and basically tidy, I don’t have to worry about people being put off by it. My experience is that people feel the least comfortable in a place where they feel there’s no room for them or they think bugs or rodents might swarm them and they feel the second least comfortable in a place that’s so perfect they are afraid they will leave a jarring fingerprint or cookie crumb somewhere! Some people might not like your choices, but I think it mostly just makes them feel better about their choices if they are your friends.

On a related topic, I’ve always thought it would be nice for everyone to have one good thing that most people don’t have. One friend would have the big-screen TV, one friend would have the swimming pool, one friend would have the best collection of board games, one friend would have the pool table, etc. But now lots of my friends have lots of these things!

Or is it that you’re ideas have changed and your friends have not? Sometimes I think we have to just go with what we have, and if that is not good enough for our friends, then they really are not friends. But often I think it is just that we are holding back from letting ourselves enjoy life. Once I stopped caring what other people thought and just did what I liked ( as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else), I found I enjoyed life more and my freinds seemed to come around more. Everyone wants to be around someone who knows how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, and who makes you feel good.
Kootenay Annie

People just want to be loved. Invite them over for all kinds of reasons.

Easy Supper (burgers) and a simple card game that includes the kids is a favorite at our house.

Or start a fire. (we dug a pit in the back yard). People love to come sit around a fire and talk. We brought a blind friend in a wheelchair to our firepit to toast marshmallows. She still talks about it. It makes me weep how many opportunities to love are lost for lack of a teeny bit of effort.

As for the Super Bowl…That is a viewing event. Unless the people I was inviting had a worse TV option than mine, I’d pick another time to have them over. (We have not been above inviting OURSELVES to a friend’s home to watch it on the big screen!)

deb meyers

Sure, we all appreciate beauty, but beauty can be created by warmth, love and friendship too. If my home is clean, I don’t care if people are sitting on plastic patio chairs in my living room. I’m DELIGHTED to have more friends than I have furniture!