Does Your Thriftiness Impact Entertaining?

I have a few things to say on this subject but also have a sick kid so I’ll start with this: Those people with the big houses? And the big TVs? And matching china and glasses and Pottery Barn decor?

They don’t entertain anymore, either. No one does, it seems.

I feel this pressure with our MOMS group. We have a worldwide corporation headquartered here but the rest of the area is predominately middle to lower-middle socio-econ status. So, we get the “jet set” mommies who have vacationed in Italy vs. those like me who are livin’ with a $65/week grocery budget! LOL How am I suppose to host a playgroup at my little ranch after attending several in homes that would swallow up TWO of my house! LOL

But, I’ve been working on that as well. I’m proud of our little house and our big messes! LOL It’s occurred to me that *this* house and *these* messes work for us. My home (or my housekeeping) will never be featured in a magazine but my hubby, the Vikings, my family, and church family think I’m great and that is enough for me!

I think that’s a very common feeling, and I think we should start a trend to fight against. Your thoughts on the TV probably hit the hardest. Why does our world think everything needs to center around the TV (I know you don’t think that!)? Having a small TV (for us, without cable!) is a great excuse to be more creative and more relationship building in our entertaining styles. Can we build deep relationships with people playing the Wii? Can we have thought-provoking conversations watching movies together? Is sports the only time people voluntarily sit in a room together for 2 hours?

Reliance on technology for entertainment is a hard back habit to break, but we can do it. Amy has lots of ideas for frugal family fun and date nights – they could easily be altered for hospitality/entertainment. Take a picnic with family friends. Go to a free concert at a local winery with couple friends. Host a game night or a murder mystery party. Have fun!!

I think we all have those insecurities, but I started thinking about how much I enjoyed visiting at other people’s homes and how I certainly didn’t care if everything matched, was perfectly clean, or huge and well-decorated. I just wanted to have fun with friends. That makes it easier, but I admit that the people in the “must-have-it-all” mindset are not the ones I’d want to invite over anyway. And we do pass on the Super Bowl party because of our TV. LOL!

Without cable, we won’t be hosting any Super Bowl parties, but otherwise we like to entertain.

I’m not embarrassed by our decor, I consider our eclectic collection of old and modern furniture a perfect fit for our farmhouse

You are definitely not alone, and it is so refreshing to hear that I am not either! Lately I have felt like we are the only family on the block without a flat-screen TV. Resisting the temptation to buy one is not easy. But, in the long run, I know it is the right choice.

Well, I do have matching pattern glassware and dishes, several pieces I use every day and others that are mixed in as needed for “company.” And I’m glad to have them.

Here’s how I got them: almost four years of birthday and Christmas gifts from grandma, aunt and mother-in-law.

Even Hamburger Helper looks good on pretty dishes!

I have to be honest and say that my housekeeping is more likely to keep me from entertaining than my frugality–and my house isn’t even that dirty. However, I was raised to believe that every corner had to be sparkling or the house wasn’t ‘fit to show’. I need to get over that and trust that people visit to see us, not our house!

I do, however, find myself less inclined to join in on some activities because of my frugality, but I do try and find budget ways to enjoy time with my friends.

Wow, I just got back in town this evening and was just so happy to see all of your responses. I appreciate each of you and your honesty. It is good to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this at times and also I appreciate the gentle nudges you offer to help me get past this! This is such a great discussion!

I totally related to many of the things you mentioned. Actually tho, living in an apartment changes things for me. Sometimes I think it’s too small and has no parking blah, blah, blah. And other times I think it frees me up to do the kind of entertaining I actually prefer which is casual and small group. Small groups allow us to visit more with our guests,take less time and they cost less.
Also, I think low key entertaining sets the standard for our friends. Nobody should feel intimidated about inviting us to their house because we started a low key trend.There is something so ‘real’ about serving homemade pizza on paper plates and playing UNO that says “Don’t worry we won’t judge you either!”

I’d just like to add – would you WANT to hang out with the kind of people who think those things are important?

Sure, we all appreciate beauty, but beauty can be created by warmth, love and friendship too. If my home is clean, I don’t care if people are sitting on plastic patio chairs in my living room. I’m DELIGHTED to have more friends than I have furniture!

I think one of the things that holds me back the most is our grocery budget. I use it as an excuse, because I am worried that people will not enjoy the homemade, healthier fare that we are used to eating. I think that I also struggle with coming up with an inexpensive meal or appetizers, large enough to host big families or groups of people. Surely there are solutions I could come up with, but sometimes it makes me hold back on inviting.

I admit that in my small house, full of too much stuff, I don’t feel like there is room to invite people over. I am still working on finding places for everything (yes, including places like Goodwill and the garbage can). It feels like every time a space gets emptied out, someone thinks, “woo hoo! Free space!” and fills it up again.

And now to address some of the specific concerns you mentioned.

We have a small TV, but then it’s in a small living room. The front of the TV is maybe six feet from the front of the couch. So a big TV would be painful! Still, since we’ve connected a bunch of wires to it, it’s no longer possible to roll it into another position, so we only have room for up to four friendly people on the couch and maybe one or two more on the floor. Sad. I like to have people over for videos (and related snacks) (and perhaps related costumes).

I also would like to say that anything home-made is considered to be fancy food these days. Even things that are only semi-home-made, like store-bought cookie dough baked at home and still warm from the oven. Freshly baked bread? So cheap to make! Yet so memorable! And if you have an actual theme to your party, food won’t have to be the focus. For example, I have been to clothing exchanges, informal music recitals and art shows, movie watching parties, board game parties, and most recently a house design party for people who just bought some land. No idea is too weird for a party! Plus people like to bring food and drink over.

Nonmatching glasses are good for parties: they help people remember which one is theirs. Also, everyone can pick out their favorite one, which is fun.

I like to think that if my house is basically clean and basically tidy, I don’t have to worry about people being put off by it. My experience is that people feel the least comfortable in a place where they feel there’s no room for them or they think bugs or rodents might swarm them and they feel the second least comfortable in a place that’s so perfect they are afraid they will leave a jarring fingerprint or cookie crumb somewhere! Some people might not like your choices, but I think it mostly just makes them feel better about their choices if they are your friends.

On a related topic, I’ve always thought it would be nice for everyone to have one good thing that most people don’t have. One friend would have the big-screen TV, one friend would have the swimming pool, one friend would have the best collection of board games, one friend would have the pool table, etc. But now lots of my friends have lots of these things!

OH, this is a timely discussion! I just started a blog to share frugal party-planning ideas!

Edith Schaeffer’s The Hidden Art of Homemaking inspired me to be more open with my entertaining, even if my apartment isn’t perfect and I don’t have much money. We can share what we have, we just have to get more creative.

If I used space as an excuse, I’d never have anyone over! I try to make the most of what I’ve got and have people over for lunch/dinner at least once a month, and we made an extra effort to do so after our son was born and our “babymoon” was over. My table only seats 4 plus a highchair, but we can pull the bench up and squeeze in 6 if needed.

I have a problem with wanting to do too much for my guests and spending too much money, so I have learned to use what I have in new ways. It’s all about the presentation — even a simple meal of soup and bread is great if you use cloth napkins!

When I was a kid and my mom was a SAHM, she would start a crock pot meal every Sunday before church and have someone over that night. These days, she doesn’t have the energy for that, so she has someone over every Sunday after church for lunch, which is either leftovers or sandwiches. If it’s Sunday morning and my parents don’t yet have plans for someone to come over, they invite someone over that day. They use 20-year-old dull-looking plates and plastic cups. People have a great time.

When my sister and I were planning our weddings, my dad wanted us to spend less than we could afford, because most people can’t afford the expensive weddings that have become standard. (We couldn’t afford that standard ourselves, but he was encouraging us to spend much less.) Everyone feels like they have to put on at least as glamorous wedding as the last one, so too many people go into debt to pay for a wedding that keeps up with everyone else’s. Having a modest one would encourage couples who cannot do very much.

I think it’s the same way with entertaining. When someone else entertains on perfectly matched plates and silverware with beautiful glasses in a gorgeous home with a huge TV, I am tempted with envy. I start thinking that I need all those things and stop being satisfied with what I have. But when someone serves me a simple, cheap meal on mismtached plates in a modest home, my focus isn’t distracted to “things” and I dont’ start to feel bad about what I have.

Now, plenty of that is my own materialism that I have to deal with, but I think it helps to realize that other people are the same way. My guests are probably insecure about their own homes and decor (even if theirs are nicer!), and it wouldn’t make them feel better about anything even if I did have the means to put on an impressive event. Remembering that makes me feel better about doing what I can and helps me not to feel ashamed of, but rather thankful for, my humble circumstances.