Frugal Living and Charitable Obligations
The good wife is generous and warm hearted. She does not grow grasping and selfish. In her desire to economize and add to her stores she does not forget those about her who suffer or want. While she gives her wisest and most earnest thought and her best and most skillful work to her own home, her heart does not grow cold toward those outside who need sympathy. I cannot conceive of true womanhood ripened into mellow richness, yet wanting the qualities of gentleness and unselfishness. A woman whose heart is not touched by the sight of sorrow and whose hands do not go out in relief where it is in her power to help lacks one of the elements which make the glory of womanhood.
From The Home Beautiful ;By James Russell Miller Published 1910
Here are some ways your hands can go out in relief, even when very little is in your power:
Prayer, of course, we know about. Pray for others, but also pray yourself, that God will open up your eyes to any way of assistance that you might have missed, that He will help you think of something creative to do.
Change in the street- I was told once of an old lady who had very little income, but who wanted to help missionaries. She made it her goal to pick up all the change she saw in the street, to check phone booths and vending machines for dropped coins. She kept them separate from her own funds, and put them in a jar at home. Once or twice a year she took it to the bank and got out a money order to send to missionaries. A project like this, while small, could be one way to continue offering some small token of assistance long after the drama is over in somebody else's personal crisis. It's also a good way to get your children involved.
Go to yard sales and pick up items for resale- most of us homeschooling on one income already do this. But this time pick up a couple items specifically for helping others- sell it on ebay, or let your church and friends know, again, that you are reselling some items for a specific charitable cause. I once picked up a stack of stickers suitable for scrap-booking and resold them at 4 times what I'd paid to benefit a local missionary. People gave me extra to send, as well.
Do you know somebody who travels a lot with his or her job? Do you travel? Yes, you can be poor and still have to travel (my husband did when he was in the Air Force). Collect toiletries from hotels to send to shelters and crisis pregnancy centers. Those small soaps and shampoos are perfect. Put out the word that you are doing this and people will bring them to you and will also chip in to help with shipping. Let your traveling friends know that they can donate frequent flier miles.
Root houseplants in soil and sell cuttings and small plants for a dollar or more (depending on the size of the plant). If you live in the right neighborhood you could set up a picnic table with a jar for donations and a big sign in you front yard. These also make nice frugal gifts.
Sometimes we haven't much money on hand, but we do have full pantries. BAke pies or fudge and sell them to raise money. If you can bake things that ship well, I wonder if a shelter or church caring for survivors would be willing to accept a package of baked goods?
Volunteer: Call around and ask, and see if you can go help do something- write letters, mail letters, pack boxes, organize donations, whatever.
If you are at all talented with crafty things, make small things like scrunchies, aprons, crocheted washclothes, bookmarks, and have a benefit bazaar- let people know what you are doing and why. Auction off your labor, say, you'll cut a lawn or sew a curtain, or bake a pie for money for a service project- or do these things for somebody who could use them but can't pay for them.
Spend a day in fasting and prayer, and send the money you would have spent on food for that day to a charity (I know that for some of us this won't be much, but it's something).
Once a month have an electricity free day- turn off all the lights, electronic devices, even the computer, and use candles or kerosene lamps- chart your power bill and see how much money you save, tally that up over a year and donate it.
Sell something on ebay or one of the many bookselling lists through Yahoogroups and donate the profits to a relief effort.
If you have any school books, literature, or school supplies that would be useful for homeschoolers, contact Project Noah or Abeka, which is sends homeschooling materials t homeschooling families in need.
Caring for the poor is not an option for those who already are perfectly comfortable and have a nice fat financial cushion. All of us are to care for one another, and the Lord does have an eye toward the poor and how we treat them:
Blessed is he that considereth the poor: the LORD will deliver him in time of trouble (Psalms 41:1)
“He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is kind to the needy” (Proverbs 14:21).
“If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13).
“I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy” (Psalm 140:12).
Imagine a pregnant woman in a trailer with little income, no food, no car, and very few blankets in the midwest during winter.
Her husband has just joined the military, but they haven't gotten their first check yet. To eat she meets him outside the mess hall (he's not allowed off the base yet because he's still in tech school), and he smuggles her what food he could slip into his pockets.
Somebody could call the authorities and maybe put her in a taxi and take her down there where she could start filling out papers and forms, dealing with impersonal, overworked, government officials- and it might take more time to actually get help.
Or a next door neighbor who believed in personal rather than government charity could have her over every day for nutritious, warm meals- breakfast, lunch and dinner, sending her home with enough left-overs each night to make a nice snack), could give or loan her blankets, could offer the use of her phone whenever needed, could show her how to cook nutritious, inexpensive meals, and demonstrate through her example how to live on an airman's salary, how to take care of a baby, how to make inexpensive treats and baby toys, how to have fun
without spending money, and be a friend, available day or night, whenever the young pregnant woman needs one.
That's what personal charity is about, and that's why no government program can replace it. These two neighbors had the same income and the same necessary expenditures. But the first luxury item one of them bought for her trailer was a television- and she bought it from a rent to own place. The first luxury item the other one bought was a two dollar houseplant. This example prompted many conversations about budgeting and living within ones income instead of beyond it. Government charity can give the woman a check, but it can't really tell her how to spend it wisely, show her how to cook when she has spent it, how to live on a budget (especially when the government doesn't know how), help her deal with the loneliness when she is in a new town with no friends, no transportation, no phone, and a husband who can't come see her. It might give her a phone, but it can't show her how to have self-discipline and not use it for long distance. It might give her a fish, in other words, but it can't, or won't, show her how to find her own fish, and once she's got fish how to make it last to four meals instead of one.
Even if it could legally do those things (and according to the Constitution, it cannot), even if it would try to do those things, there's not the same warmth, sense of connection, and sense of obligation and responsibility that comes from personal charity. If a stranger walks up to somebody and hands over fifty dollars and walks away, the recipient has no sense of obligation to spend the money in a way that would make the stranger proud. For most people, government is that stranger, and they have no sense of obligation when they decide how to spend what they think is 'free money.' If a neighbor gives you fifty dollars, and you know how hard that neighbor worked for it you feel a greater sense of obligation to spend that money carefully and wisely so you don't let that neighbor down. There would be a sense of shame in using that money to add to your C.D. collection. If there wasn't, the neighbor is in a better position than the government to see that any further donations should be in the form of food rather than hard cash.
Government assistance for the most part closes its doors after business hours, so when our neighbor's front door has frozen over the lock and her key won't work, it can't be there in two minutes offering her a free, warm, friendly, and safe place to sleep, like the next door neighbor who believes in personal charity can. and if you are a Christian, charity is not optional. It's a command.
Sometimes poor people can pool their limited resources to help each other. For example, our grocery store recently sold carrots for .16 a pound, but only in a fifty pound bag. Several families could go in together to buy one bag and divide it- it just takes somebody with initiative to spearhead the project. Packages of garden seeds usually have more seeds than one family could use. So three or four families could go in together on one package of seeds and get enough lettuce for all the families. Or each family could buy a package of vegetable seeds and split it, getting seeds for four types of vegetables for hte family.
Friends of ours lived in an apartment complex with other low-income families. Once a week they got together for a potluck stew. Each family contributed about a dollar's worth of ingredients, which were all combined into one large, delicious pot, giving each family far more variety and nutrition for the buck than they would have had on their own.
Poor people can share hand-me-downs, information, labour, and resources with each other. Sharing information may be one of the most important things we can do to help each other. It's not very useful to look at the example above of a young wife and mother-to-be spending money on a rent to own television set and dismissing her problems as largely being her own fault. It's true, they were largely her own fault- but she didn't know that. When you don't know something, you sometimes don't know what you don't know. You don't even know enough to know that there are questions you should be asking, let alone what questions to ask. People starting from a background of so much ignorance benefit greatly from living in a community that includes families living within their means, making sacrifices to make that happen, loving each other, and demonstrating an abundant life on a shoestring income see also Isaiah 58).
But they cannot do this if they have no community, and Christians ought to be a warm and vibrant part of that community.
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9 Responses to “Frugal Living and Charitable Obligations”
January 4th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Very powerful! I thank you, I needed to read this today.
God Bless,
Michele
January 4th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Wow, some great food for thought for this military wife. Just what I needed to hear this morning. God Bless You,
Natalie
January 4th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Very thoughtful post. I agree wholeheartedly.
What do you do when you give and give and give to a needy family who refuses to learn, whose home is in spiritual darkness, whose hearts are sealed shut and they refuse to hear the gospel. What do you do besides pray? I buy prescription medicine for them because I want them to see this is how Christians act and I tell them I do it because Jesus loves me and He loves them, too. They’ve called me for toilet paper, roach traps, groceries, medicine, transportation, etc. Meanwhile, they have deluxe cable TV (I do not have cable TV) and smoke like chimneys.
People at church have told me to stop helping them b/c they think I’m being taken advantage of. I cannot really afford to help them and have recently “passed them along” to my mother and her church. My mother’s church is very small but very wealthy and so they can give people a lot of stuff yet never share the gospel with them. My mother says that it’s not right to expect desperately poor people to give up their few luxuries like cable tv and cigarettes, because those are the only enjoyments they have.
I’m in a quandry. God has kept bringing these folks to me for over 3 years now and I know He wants me to do something with them! I feel ill-equipped. The parents in the family are much older than my husband and me, are slightly manipulitive and are not willing to let us sit down and work out a food budget with them.
Sorry this is so long. If anyone has anything to share, please do.
January 4th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I love the change from the street idea. That is perfect for kids too. I use the website couponmom.com to find things that go on sale with coupons to donate to the food pantry. For example, I do not have a dog, so when dog food is free with coupons or super cheap (.25 a can or less) I buy it for the food pantry. People needing assistance often have pets. Since I don’t have a baby, I do this with baby food too. Sometimes I can get boxed foods that we don’t enjoy this way too.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Caroline,
I disagree with your mother. Cable TV and cigarettes need not be the only ‘enjoyments’ a poor family has. They could read. They could enjoy walks together, visits to a park, games, singing together, and one another’s company.
At some point in some cases we do have to say no. That’s one reason the Bible says that if a man will not work, neither will he eat. I think it’s reasonable (but not easy) to say, “WE’ve done a lot for you, even though we can’t afford some of the luxuries you have. YOu buy cigarettes and cable, we use the money we might have spent on similar luxuries helping you, but you don’t want to learn to do better and live within your means because you won’t let us help you learn to budget, which is something we do to make it possible to help people like you. We feel we need to direct our own limited resources to helping those who really need it and are trying to do better.” Then cut them loose- or make help dependent on them demonstrating good faith efforts to improve. Tell them no when they call for rides. Tell them you’ve tried to help them work out a budget, and since they are not interested, you can’t help anymore.
Maybe that’s what God wanted you to do- build a relationship and then point out that it can’t continue on the same footing. Maybe he has something for you to learn here, rather than them. Maybe He wanted to show you how to spot manipulation and recognize true needs for a later situation. Maybe He has something for somebody looking on to learn. Maybe, if there are children involved, this experience has been to teach the children something. Maybe you will never know what fruit this past three years has shown.
Jesus said that we would always have the poor with us. I think it’s wrong to use that as excuse not to try to help the poor, but I think it’s also useful in keeping in mind that your help will not always be appreciated and it won’t necessarily change things.
They won’t thank you. I can tell you now that my guess is they will not be interested in changing the status quo, and they may even hate you and will defame you to others.
If you don’t give them rides anymore, they will find other transportation. I promise they will. It’s your comment about them being slightly manipulative that makes me sure of this. But maybe I am wrong, and if you refuse to give help without evidence of good faith efforts on their part it will be a tiny wake up call and something will change.
We have helped people like this, and we would still do it again. We took in a family that we had seen others help and then be thanked by being reviled. We knew that when we could no longer help them they would hate us and revile us. We did it anyway, because we hoped to have an influence for good on their children. We may never know if it worked or not, but they do hate us and they have reviled us.
That won’t always happen, of course, because the poor are no more all alike than anybody else. People are different. But sometimes there does come a time when help has to be conditional- whether that condition is something has important as letting outsiders help them budget or simply showing some consideration for other people and not taking them for granted, not being manipulative (in the case of the single mom, making appointments and getting rides into town,a nd then calling us to say she had no ride home- which she knew days in advance, but putting it that way made us feel like we had no choice. Until we stopped buying that. And then she made other arrangements).
January 4th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Your 4th January article is AWESOME – has greatly challenged me! I must get more of my friends and cousins to subscribe to your e-mails..
If we are to become mighty women of God we have no choice but to heed what you are challenging us to do….
Keep the fire burning!
Zipporah (Proverbs 31:20,27)
January 5th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Deputy Headmistress,
Thank you so much for responding to my rather lengthy post. I appreciate the wise words and experiences you shared. Your response was very helpful to me in my situation. In Christ, thank you.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:12 am
Very thoughtful article – thanks so much for sharing.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:41 am
I have just realized that I edited my comment for length, but then left in something that refers back to a story I cut out. So it’s kind of confusing.
We have a single mom friend we have tried to help. She is not interested in getting off welfare or helping herself. She is somewhat manipulative. In her case it’s hard to blame her, exactly, for a number of reasons that I won’t go into. I do not think she means to be a user.
She used to call us for rides. She lives forty minutes from our house, and she wanted us to come get her, then drive back past our house and into town another 20 minutes north of us. Or we’d have her over for the weekend and she would ask us to take her by the store on the way home- only the store wasn’t on the way home, it was thirty minutes round trip OUT of the way.
and then she would call us from town saying she’d had a doctor appointment, but now did not have a way home, could we come get her. We did this at first. Supposedly, she doesn’t really know anybody in town but us.
She began calling for these urgent needs for rides at all kinds of inconvenient times. Once she wanted a ride during our children’s piano recital. We said no, and she rescheduled her need for a ride to a different time- then we realized she had more control over these ‘emergencies’ than we’d realized. So we have stopped. We are not available when she calls for a ride because of some emergency. And she has, suprisingly, found other arrangements.
I would not have done this at first, and I will feel kind of bad if we ever refuse to help and it is a genuine emergency. But two or three emergencies every month is a bit much.
This experience and others like it make me confidant that Caroline’s friends can find other transportation. But they haven’t soured us on helping at all. I am okay with the fact that we’
ve been used sometimes. In this case, I think it may even be helpful- because we still have a relationship. We still call her sometimes and have her out occasionally to spend the weekends- and she must know that we know we’ve been used, since we’ve quite being available for spur of the moment taxi service. I am hoping it occurs to her to consider that we still are still are here for her for serious needs and possibly wonder why. Even if it doesn’t, I know that my children have learned something, and that others watching have learned something, and so have I.
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