Buying the Better You
Most of my posts here thus far have been philosophical rather than specific, which wasn't really my intention when I started. But I'm doing it again this week. That's the funny thing about writing, so often what I sit down to write isn't exactly what comes out of my fingers. I have a lot of apples on hand this week, and I was going to write about ways to use them (if you're wanting ideas, here are three- apple fritters, crunchy oatmeal topping over apples, and crockpot apple butter).
But then I spent too much time and money at the thrift shop yesterday (we have one local thrift shop and the first Thursday of every month is half price day) and felt I'd exploded all my frugal credentials and needed a good talking to. As I drove home from my expedition with a five dollar wicker chair for my newly decorated sunroom jostling my elbow, and puzzles sliding off the seat behind me, I kept reminding myself of something I read in Crunchy Cons:
"the point of life is not to become a more satisfied shopper..."
"But I picked up several great Christmas presents for the Progeny," I told myself defensively. And that placated me for a time, but it also got me thinking about how that 'holiday season' is coming up- even the thrift shop was decked out with all kinds of really cute Christmas decorations, and seasonal goodies for winter, and things very, very hard to resist (yes, I did get a couple of great presents for not very much money, but do I really need eight cute snowman yard decorations even if they were only .20 each?) . And I thought that if I needed one more philosophical pep talk about the spirit behind frugal, 'what's-in-my-hand' thinking, maybe somebody else did, too.
I think it's in the book Amusing Ourselves to Death that the author points out that in times past when people noticed that they had a defect in character or person, they worked to improve themselves. Character development and growth was considered a personal duty and it was expected that all responsible people would work on it all their lives. A reasonable adult would no more neglect that personal character development than neglect tooth-brushing or hair combing. We don't think much of personal duty anymore. That sounds boring and burdensome. Instead, Today, we accessorize our character defects. We don't work on them, we dress them up. We buy a book or product to make us feel better about them, to cover them up, or to tell us some short cut to self-improvement..
I know this isn't a popular belief with evangelicals, and some people view it as bad theology, but the truth is being good is hard work. Why else would Paul tell us not to grow weary of it? Why else would we be told to work out our own salvation? And why does the Hebrew writer (chapter 5) tell us that it is by much practice that we learn to discern? Developing character requires thinking about it and acting on those thoughts- not another shopping trip.
Once upon a time everybody understand that character was important and that it required practice to develop. That practice included effort, personal, real, and sustained effort.
For years now we have tried to take shortcuts. We try to change ourselves from the outside in, to change ourselves by changing our image. We attempt character growth through conspicuous consumption. We can think we can accessorize ourselves into better human beings, or at least that pretty new knick knack will make me feel better about the less than perfect human being I am. What we buy, what we own- these, we think, will either distract us from who we are or bring about the changes in who we are that previous generations understood came through hard work and training in good habits and right thinking and living.
All too often I find myself thinking about something I want to teach my children or to change in myself, and my next thought is "what can I buy to do this?" Every new project, both the external ones (decorating a room, organizing a closet) and the ones that should be internal (child A. is developing a bad habit, I want to overcome a weakness, I want to be more self-disciplined, I want to help a child with math, every one of these things might send us running to the store, checkbook in hand, for a quick 'fix'). Our culture no longer has a self-sufficient mindset. Instead, we have a quick fix, instant gratification way, character growth in a box for cash or credit approach.
Americans, wrote another author, are aspirational shoppers. We shop to reinvent ourselves. Christians should be different (in many areas) but we often aren't. Far too many of our living standards and the things we take for granted as necessities of life are cultural rather than Christian.
But Christian is really not a synonym for North American middle class. Christianity is not a creation of the United States of America, and certainly not of the Christian bookstore. The real, living faith existed for 1700 years before there was a U.S.A. and it will continue to exist, should the Lord tarry so long, thousands of years after the U.S.A. is a forgotten ruin. Christianity is different from being a middle class American- and so, we should be different, too.
Should my life be snuffed out in a nano-second, what I will be remembered for longest, what will make the most lasting impact on those left behind will not, one hopes, be the stuff I owned (even my books), the clothes I wore, the things I bought and the stylish design - or lack thereof- in my living room. It will be the relationships I built, the hope I shared, the life that I have lived, the hearts I have tried to touch- or my failures in these areas that will matter. Nobody should care twenty years from now whether I styled my hair in the latest fashion and wore contacts and had my nails done. It's not this is necessarily an either/or proposition, mind you. Spiritually minded people can get their nails done. It's just that the higher things should occupy our minds more than the things we buy, and we should view shopping as self-improvement.Last year in my email in box, under the subject line "New Year, New You" there came an advertisement from a Christian bookstore that perfectly illustrates this shopping our way towards self-improvement mindset:
Wouldn't it be wonderful to look back and say "2007 was the year He made all things new"? With motivational books, exercise music, devotionals, daily Bibles, and God on your side you can. Get into shape spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially, and regain your health and vitality when you shop our New Year's Store!
And this is what I want to remind myself of this year, before the advertisements get to me and weaken my self control. I cannot buy the new me. It won't come in packages, a boxes or bags. It won't come accompanied with a sales tag. I cannot accessorize myself into greater spirituality or a better personality.
The first products listed were diet and exercise books, tapes, and music. There there's a study guide for something called the 'moment' Bible (good grief).
I'm pretty sure that God needs none of these things to make all things new. I am reasonably certain that many of these things even interfere with the sort of renewal God has in mind for us.
The advertisement concludes:
Visit our New Year's Store for more motivational tools to help you accomplish your New Year resolutions!
Develop your spiritual life with books available in our Christian Living and Devotional Stores.
I've fallen prey to this line of marketing before, not because their slick appeals create in me a weak and lazy inner woman, but because I have a slothful inner woman in the first place. There are many things I want to be able to do, but few of them are things I want to take the time to learn to do. I don't want it to hurt, to require self-discipline, or take much time. I just want to be that new woman much as Cinderella was able to go to the ball. Playing the role of Cinderella in my personal fairy tale dream is yours truly. Playing the role of the Fairy Godmother would be my checkbook, or worse, a credit card.
Ironically, the final group of books in my annoying little email a year ago were listed beneath a headline that boldly said, "Get out of debt and save money!" Good idea. Start by walking away from advertisements like this without spending a dime. Become a new you the old fashioned way.
You can't buy a better you, a better inner woman, a better spiritual life. You have to live it, pray it, study it, work at it, and you probably have everything you need at home already. It's in your hands.
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12 Responses to “Buying the Better You”
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:24 am
You are so right. Though I had no idea that becoming a better person taking hard work was unpopular among evangelicals.
Not only can you not buy a better life, all of the ads, self-help books, and motivational materials often distract from what it actually takes to create that better life. The Bible pretty much tells you everything you need to know. Love God, love your neighbor, and everything else kind of falls into place. It’s not easy though. Sometimes I WANT to be selfish and think of myself first. Sometimes I’m tired, and I don’t want to graciously attend to one more of my children’s needs.
It’s simple. But it’s hard work. It definitely doesn’t come naturally to us.
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:32 am
Thank you for this post! I have been enjoying the philosophical so don’t feel bad about another one.
Being on physical restrictions, however inconvenient, can help with this. Because of a high-risk pregnancy, I am limited right now in where I can go and how much activity I can handle (in addition to financial restraints), so I’ve been forced to think more. Can I make do with something else instead of running to the store? Can I cobble together a birthday gift from things already on hand? And the big question… can I let go of my expectations and desires and be content with what God has dropped in my lap already?
I’m glad someone else is saying that the Christian life IS hard work. It feels like we hide the struggle because we want to present a good front to the world–”Come along with us! Everything about following the Lord is GREAT!” But sometimes it’s just plain hard work, and that’s okay.
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Wow. This is still my first week visiting your blog but you are right on about “maybe someone out there needs the frugal peptalk again…” I hope I don’t sound cheeky when I say this post is inspired writing. Just in this post, you made me think about my spiritual life, culture and thrift store shopping. I too, fall prey to thrift store overshopping (if it only costs 20 cents it is very easy to rationalize!) Keep up the good work. Ahhh…I see Dave Ramsey has a link in the corner over here…
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:20 pm
This article is well written from your heart.
You are an inspiration to me an others.
Keep following the Lord, you are doing an excellent job!
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Thanks for the pep talk that I needed! Just this week I have noticed a “character flaw” that needs attention (lateness) – but ironically I don’t seem to have enough time to take care of it. I guess this means I’ll have to make the time now!
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:33 pm
I love your philosophical posts! I don’t know how you can compose such thoughts at home with kids, but I love them all the same.
Frugal Hacks is giving us a chance to distill and formulate some of our philosophies, rather than just sharing the day to day. It’s a nice change from the tip-oriented money-saving sites.
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:42 pm
and my next thought is “what can I buy to do this?”
I saw myself in this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as others have noted, your writing has inspired me to examine my “problem solving” habits a bit closer.
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:18 am
That was excellent, just what I needed today!
November 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 am
Excellent! As a woman who constantly must fight sloth and gluttony, I am always in need of a pep talk. In addition to advertizing, I find that succomb to the idea that reading about something is almost as good as doing the hard work. Too often I read the same good advice 4000 times before I get my lazy carcass in gear to follow said good advice.
Annie
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:59 pm
“The personal duty of character development”- doesn’t sound fun or exciting! That’s why its not a popular concept nowadays. But being popular has never gained anyone the inner freedom and relief we all crave. Nothing can satisfy…but Jesus; Christ IN me,the hope of glory.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:30 pm
That was one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time in all of blogger world.
November 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Thank-you all so much for your very kind words.
Lynnae, in all probability that was too broad a generalization, but it was based on countless conversations real life and on-line where I’ve heard some variation of ‘but that’s works’ when the topic was working at being a better person, and I have often seen this sort of hard work dismissed as not being ’spirit-led’ and I’ve seen necessary duties omitted because somebody just ‘didn’t feel led.’ Perhaps the easy believism crowd would have been a better label, if I had to have a label.
I’ve just spotted a glaring typo that is probably so glaring it’s obvious, but it’s making me cringe.
Where I wrote, “It’s just that the higher things should occupy our minds more than the things we buy, and we should view shopping as self-improvement.”
Obviously (I hope) that should have read ‘we should NOT view shopping as self-improvement.’
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