Cheerful Frugality, Delivered
This week I've been thinking of one of our own, the Deputy Headmistress, whose daughter was rushed to emergency surgery. Since I can't bring a casserole, dear DHM, let me offer this week's post in your honor instead.
Home and family are my livelihood. I'm glad I have time enough to reach out to families in crisis. What I don't have? Ample cash to underwrite our giving. Of course, the births, deaths, and emergencies don't stop when the budget runs dry--and neither should our efforts in cheerful frugality.
When a family is in a crunch, sometimes their most pressing needs are not financial. (Though it would be fabulous to write a big, fat check, wouldn't it?) But don't just give a blanket offer of help. Most people are too shy or overwhelmed to let you know what they really need. Suggest a specific task instead.
- Can you clean someone's house before the funeral guests arrive?
- Do the family pets need care while a loved one is in the hospital?
- Would the children enjoy a special outing or attention while their parents meet with lawyers?
A hot meal is standard delivery in my part of the world. But unless you can run to HoneyBaked Ham every week, you'll have to get creative about what to bring on a budget.
- Use your super shopping skills to design a meal from sale ingredients. Chicken on sale? Cook a chicken dish.
- Consider foods which don't need heating, like a chicken pasta salad and fresh fruit bowl. Regular mealtimes may be crazy for a while.
- Freeze double portions. Fill a loaf pan with the last of the muffin batter. See Table Talk and Once A Month Cooking for recipes and ideas.
- Think light and healthy. A week of fast food will make anyone hunger for a vegetable platter or soup. Into comfort food? Pair a rich dessert with a black-bean-and-mixed-green salad.
- Stockpile deli containers and boxes. Or, if you're too frugal to go to the deli in the first place, pick up a few 25-cent casseroles at yard sales. (Amy has more tips for meal deliveries.)
- Restock basic perishables if you don't have time to cook. A cooler of Aldi eggs, milk, bread and fruit lets a family settle home without a late night grocery run.
It's always hard when you can't be there in person. What can we do to help from home?
- Prayer and listening are always free. Once-a-week cell phone calls lend regular tea and sympathy.
- Send the caregiver an uplifting note with $5 for ice cream or coffee.
- Grocery gift cards are easy to mail and always appreciated.
- Note a loved one's death on the calendar and follow up a week, a month, a year later.
- Create a special tribute with frugal flowers. (edited to include this by reader's suggestion)
Sometimes we assume that "the church" will take care of everything (and often, they do). But let's not forget that these acts of kindness are a powerful way to reach out beyond our immediate circle of church and family. A thoughtful gesture can say more to our neighbors and acquaintances than any Bible tract.
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for by this some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:2
I have yet to develop the perfect meal delivery menu. What did your family enjoy most during a time of crisis? What budget-friendly recipes do you make for those in need?
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21 Responses to “Cheerful Frugality, Delivered”
October 15th, 2007 at 6:26 am
As someone whose mom was fighting cancer for 3 years, I can attest that the things you mentioned are great!! :0) My mom lived 3 hours away from me, so for 3 years I was traveling at least once a week and many times more then that. During this time my friends, family, and church family all jumped in to help us out in any way they could. My hubby worked long hours (12+ hour days) and when I could not bring all the kiddos a lot of the “babysitting” fell to my oldest son. He was great, but he was very blessed when someone offered to have them hang out at their house, brought food over and visited with them, called in to check on them, got movies for them to watch, ect….
It was not an easy time, but it was made a blessed time because of those that helped out our family. To this day the kindness so many people showed brings tears to my eyes.
October 15th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Based on my experience with having a newborn who required emergency surgery followed immediately (same day we got home after the surgery) by the death of an immediate family member all during the holiday season…find out what social obligations someone has – what dinners have they promised to bring food for, what meetings are they making presentations in, what gatherings have they said they would host, etc. Then tell them, don’t ask them, that you’ll take care of it. They’ll really appreciate it at 11 p.m. on Christmas Eve when they would otherwise be making dinner rolls and pies from scratch for the family gathering the next day.
October 15th, 2007 at 9:46 am
One thing I have realized is that is is not always necessary to provide an entire meal to be a blessing. A couple of loaves of homemade bread can make fodder for toast and sandwiches. Bags of muffins that they can use or throw in the freezer for later are helpful for snacks and breakfasts.
Soup, bread, salad and cookies makes a simple and inexpensive meal.
Sometimes, providing just one sort of luxury “extra” is nice…like a large cannister of homemade cocoa or cappuccino mix.
Another thing I have done sometimes is to go in with a friend or two to provide a meal. I have a couple friends who are in similar financial situations, but who also like to share a meal with those in need.
I have a friend who once sent me a homemade card, along with a “sleepytime” tea bag during a stressful time in my life. It was such a cute gesture and made me feel loved.
As a person who has lost both parents and 3 babies in the past two years, we have been on the “receiving” end of much love and care. It has taught me a lot about how to care for and sympathize with others. Don’t feel like if you can’t provide a large, extravagant meal, you can’t do anything. It’s about showing love, not meeting every need that folks have. We just do what we can, with love and prayer…letting them know we are thinking of them and showing them the love of Jesus!
~Andrea
in Ohio
October 15th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Sometimes we assume that “the church” will take care of everything (and often, they do)…
We can’t forget that we ARE the church! If we see a need that we can fill or impact in some way, then we need to step up and not wait for the next guy to do it.
Thanks for the reminder!
October 15th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Meredith, This is so helpful. I often struggle with how to minister to friends and neighbors in need. I try to take a dish, but I worry about what foods are the most “friendly” to the most people, without breaking our budget or taking too much time away from my husband. You shared some wonderful ideas, and I look forward to reading some of the other suggestions.
October 15th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Very nice and very true. As meals go, when you are in a situation like that, anything is appreciated, even grilled cheese, PB&J…not having to worry about creating a meal when you are stressed, sick, or grieving helps a lot! I recently miscarried and a friend brought over tacos…totally not fancy, but the fact that we didn’t have to shop, cook, or prepare a meal meant a lot, and even though it wasn’t fancy, it was delicious.
Great ideas! I also like the idea of caring for pets, because in a crisis, they are often the last thing on your mind, or become a nagging responsibility that is overwhelming.
October 15th, 2007 at 11:36 am
Here’s a very easy recipe that goes over well.
pork loin boneless roast, baby carrots, cubed potatoes (don’t even have to peel them). Mix 1/4 cup each balsamic vinegar and olive oil, and toss the carrots and potatoes in this dressing. Put it all in a foil pan, season with salt and pepper, cover it and bake 2 hours at 325.
October 15th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
A quick meal I just did for someone:
sloppy joes w/buns
can of pringles (easy to re-close)
raw veggies & dip (make or buy dip)
pocky sticks (inexpensive, novel cookie)
The idea here was minimal cooking for me, easy for little ones to eat (no cutting/buttering/etc.), easy to reheat or eat on the go. I think I’ll probably do this again!
As for containers, I splurged at Smart and Final on a bag of 100 styrofoam clamshell containers. They were about .10 each and have lasted me a few years. This makes it easy for the recipient to store the leftovers, and the container is disposable (good in a time of crisis). They are about 10 in. square and 3 in. tall so they hold a lot, like a large salad, or a family-size spaghetti dinner. Then I use Cool Whip or yogurt containers for the rest.
October 15th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Wonderful reminder and great ideas! I have certain friends with whom I trade out catsitting. We all have keys to each other’s houses, and we’re able to take care of pets or leave things for each other at a moment’s notice. It’s nice knowing that we have that immediate network in place.
A friend recently had a hysterectomy. In addition to the typical dinner, I also brought her one of those $3 Martha Stewart DVDs to watch since she can’t do much more than lie around right now. One of her neighbors was so unbelievably sweet by bringing her a funnel cake from the State Fair of Texas. My friend was sad that she isn’t able to go this year because of her surgery, so that was such a sweet gesture to allow her to experience just a little bit of the fair.
I keep containers from the dollar store on hand for bringing food for people. I don’t want anyone who is in need to have the additional worry of washing and returning containers, so I always bring their food in something I don’t expect back. Sometimes it’s the tiny gestures that wind up being the most appreciated.
October 15th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Great reminder–just because we run a tight ship budget-wise doesn’t mean we have to give up on helping those in need! When I take food, I often pack it in freezer-safe containers and label the contents with a permanent marker and the date. If they’ve received more food than they need right now, they can just pop it in the freezer to enjoy when the visits taper off. I can usually get 3 deep dish disposable containers for under $2 at my grocery store.
October 15th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
This is a wonderful post, Meredith, and is so timely. My family has been going through a hard time and I am trying to do my part to help. My sister & husband are both out of work right now and I put our church contributions towards getting them groceries this month. It was important to me and I know that the church will understand our missing tithes.
My mother has been in poor health and so we have had them over once a week for dinner. I do the same for my sister-in-law who struggles financially and needs a hot meal between work and her classes. My brother has also been taken out to get groceries and gas money.
We do what we can and I have found really gratification from making sure my friends and family are cared for.
Thank you so much for your wonderful and amazing post (as ALWAYS!)
October 15th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Several things that have been especially appreciated when we were on the receiving end (not all in the same meal!):
-adding something for us to snack on between meals: cookies, carrot sticks, whatever
-bringing it by in dishes that don’t need to be returned, and making sure we *know* they don’t need to be returned
-*healthy* meals; I cook extremely healthy food for my household on an ongoing basis, and while under added stress, our bodies don’t need the added stress of a lousy diet. While we appreciate *anything* that’s brought by that we don’t have to cook, healthy fare is especially appreciated.
-bringing something by that doesn’t necessarily need to be eaten right away, like chicken salad and rolls, so we can eat it whenever we’re hungry
And one thing I think should be a “requirement” when taking food – take the recipe, too! lol We have been brought some really, really yummy things, and I always have trouble tracking down the recipes afterward! (This would also help those who might have food sensitivities to know if there are any issues with anything that was brought.)
October 15th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Oh, and a couple people have brought paper plates along with the food, too. This is an added blessing, as well.
October 16th, 2007 at 3:22 am
I just found out my grandmother broke her hip badly, and we live 4 hours away. I wish there was a meal service that could be paid for that would serve the elderly or homebound when you can’t be there to help.
When a tornado went over our home, doing considerable damage, a lady came by one day with peanut butter/jelly sandwiches and bottled water! It was so incredibly thoughtful.
Trying doubling or tripling some of your meals and stick in your freezer for the times you hear of a family in need. Either reheat it or give it frozen for their use when most convenient.
I’ve also taken one ready-to-eat and one frozen meal to a family after a death, knowing that it’s after the crowds go home that they’ll appreciate having a meal in their freezer.
And always make sure the dinner is in disposable containers so there is no clean up or need to return dishes. Dollar stores usually carry aluminum baking pans.
October 16th, 2007 at 7:09 am
What great ideas!
A tradition for me: when a loved one loses a loved one, I mark the occasion on the first Christmas by sending a poinsettia plant with a card saying something like “Remembering you on Don’s first Christmas in heaven…” I’ve also sent a plant on the expected due date of someone who’s suffered a painful miscarriage. These normally come at times when all the help and meals and cards have stopped and the person is still left alone in grief.
Thanks for all the great meal ideas for families in crisis–it’s so important!
October 16th, 2007 at 7:43 am
When my Dad passed away, the best “meal” we received was a large platter of meats and cheeses and several bags of different types of breads and rolls. The food lasted for several days, and throwing together a sandwich was about the only thing we had the energy to do. Plus, the sandwiches were not heavy on the stomach as many hot meals can be, particularly if there is loss of appetite.
When we brought our first daughter home from China, we were suffering greatly from jet lag and just general exhaustion from the trip and the whole “new baby” thing. Some meals we were brought still required some “cooking” to prepare them. We most appreciated the foods that required the least preparation before eating!
October 16th, 2007 at 11:01 am
We recently had a friend whose son was scheduled for surgery and a weeklong hospital stay. She stayed with him at the hospital. Several days after his surgery, we sent a fruit and nut basket. Not too much fruit because it couldn’t be refrigerated, but enough to get them through the stay. Another friend gave her a basket with some snacks as well as non-food items, including activity books, pads of paper and pens (very handy for writing notes, letters, etc.), etc. I’m going to take that idea the next time this happens (and this other friend isn’t also friends with the person affected – can’t steal her idea from her!)
My daughter spent a week in the hospital when she was 2.5 years old. It was very unexpected so I was totally unprepared for it. The most thoughtful things that people did: visited us! I really need to see some grownups other than the hospital staff and I was there except for about 2-3 hours each night to go home, shower, feed the cats, check the mail, etc. I still remember those visits, even the 15 minute ones. When she was on her road to recovery, two co-workers came over with Subway sandwiches and we all had lunch. What a treat to get a break from the hospital food!
October 16th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Meredith,
I wanted to pass along this resource for organizing the giving of the meals. It is an awesome tool for this topic!
http://www.carecalendar.org/
Copied from their site:
“Calendar is a web based system to organize efforts to help families during a time of illness or after a life changing event, such as the birth of a baby or death of a family member.
CareCalendar can also be used for long term situations, including homebound and caregiver respite care needs.
Helper Benefits
Stay informed: Read status updates and view photos
Sign-up to help: See what needs are unfilled and sign yourself up for them.
Receive e-mail notifications: Get reminders about needs that you signed-up for and any unfilled needs for the day
Get maps and driving directions: Know how to get to the recipients location, turn by turn.
Access when convenient: CareCalendar is available around the clock. As long as you have access to the Internet, you can get to CareCalendar. No need to worry about interrupting the coordinator’s day when you can easily look it up for yourself.”
Blessings,
Karla
October 16th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
and I forgot to mention ~~ Its FREE!!!
October 16th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Offering to babysit. My girlfriend offered to keep my kids so I could be at the hospital last week during my granny’s surgery and she was very clear that I was to pick them up “whenever.” It was so wonderful to be able to focus at the hospital and not worry that I was imposing on her.
October 17th, 2007 at 9:55 am
I love this, and thank-you! It’s one of the most delicious ‘casseroles’ I’ve ever received!
I was working on the same thing, and finally got it finished (we have houseguests. Again.=))- here are my ideas:
Bringing a Casserole
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