The New Normal and the Frugal Life
Preparing for guests, I realize how different life has become. My years as mother have been a delight. Certainly I retain that honor and by God's grace will mother until my years are over, but the season of what I call "home mothering" is coming to a close. Youngest Son still home with Husband and me now works full time. My days are still busy but are spent either out of the house or home alone. When daughter married I knew life would change. I had heard many use the term "the new normal" when describing life changes. For me however, it wasn't until I stopped trying to think of my new life as "normal" that I made progress in adjusting to this new season of life.
The word normal can be defined as that which is usual, regular or natural. My new life was not any of these. Cleaning and cooking without Daughter seemed so different. No one to stop and share a snack, do division of duties, no smiling face or stimulating conversation by my side. Maybe in fifteen years this new life will seem "normal," but not for now. Yet I would not go back given the opportunity to the "normal" life I lived not so long ago. New Daughter and New Son, my children through the marriage of my married children, and my grandbabies, BlissBoy and GrandGirl, would not be mine and make life so wonderful.
So I focus instead on this being "new." A new season with challenges, but much that is wonderful. And I was thinking of those new to the frugal life and how the idea of this being a new normal for you, may be deceiving. For those seeking to become debt free, dealing with unemployment or a lower paying job or perhaps struggling with medical bills, the frugal life may not feel normal. Driving past the coffee shop or your favorite restaurant, opting for the thrift shop over the mall or learning to eat simple foods cooked from scratch may be a whole new experience.
My encouragement is this: do not try to see this new frugal life as normal. Your whole perspective needs to change. Learn how to do frugal talk with yourself. Start small if you need to. Change one habit at a time and learn how to savor the ability to live within your means in one area of life. Try not to let your feelings deceive you. Present discomfort can lead to better financial health. Learning that saying no to yourself right now may mean saying yes to something even better in the future can be life transforming. Surround yourself with like minded people. Find a few frugal blogs to check on through the week and be encouraged and challenged to make your circumstances work for you.
As time goes on and this frugal life takes hold, you may be surprised to find that your new normal is much better than your old ways. Like I said my new normal includes grandbabies. I cannot imagine my life without them or my new children through marriage even though I miss the years before. Chances are if your years before have been filled with debt and the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, your new normal will be a delight!
What have you learned from your "new normal?"
3 Steps to save with online purchases
I rarely use in-store coupons, because too often they offer insignificant savings on items I would not normally buy. If a coupon entices you to spend money you weren't planning to spend, it's not a true savings. Of course there are talented souls out there who can manipulate coupons and sales to get their groceries nearly for free, but I'm not one. Those skills require an investment of time that I am not willing to commit. I am not a couponer.
However...
I love online coupons. When I have decided to make a purchase, I nearly always follow the same 3 step process:
- First I check reviews, often at Amazon. This helps me decide what brand/size/option to purchase. Never rely on a sales pitch; see what actual buyers think of the item you're about to buy!
- Next I find the best price using Google Shopper. Just use google to search for the item you want, and choose Shopping Results. Remember to consider shipping and sales tax in the total price. If a local store has a better price, consider the cost of gas to get there. It may be cheaper to pay for shipping - especially if doing so enables you to use an online-only code.
- Finally, I'm ready to check for available coupon codes from several stores offering the best prices. Don't just check for a code for the store with the very best price; a good coupon can turn a mid-range price into a bargain. Here is one good source for online coupon codes.
It's a simple process that quickly becomes second nature. When my teen daughters are shopping for a specific piece of clothing that they can't seem to find secondhand, they do the same thing but check their favorite stores instead of Google Shopper: Kohls and Target. Both frequently have codes for special online savings, free shipping on minimum order sizes, and hassle-free in-store returns.
Just one more quick example on how online coupons can save you money: I was in Target last week trying on maternity clothes and very nearly bought some new tops. In fact, I did buy one but returned it before heading home that day. A visit to the same store online revealed a code for 25% off Target's line of maternity clothes! It was actually cheaper for me to shop online instead of in the brick and mortar store!
Do you use online coupon codes? What is your saving strategy?
Making It From Scratch, From Eats to Feets
Melody makes her own Kimchi using this video tutorial and recipe for about ten pounds of cabbage at a time. Kimchi is incredibly healthy and really pretty frugal to make.
Bernadette makes strawberry-Rhubarb Muffins
The Peaceful Mom turns leftover oatmeal into fluffy pancakes!
Emma makes sauerkraut from scratch, mmm, mmm. I used to think I didn't like sauerkraut, and then I grew up and had some good stuff, not out of a can.
We make our own yogurt. You can put a double layer of cheesecloth (or a clean nylon stocking) in a sieve and strain the yogurt slowly (reserve the thin whey that drips through for making muffins or bread)- then you have a product very much like cream cheese. Several years ago I used to put the yogurt inside a nylon knee-high, and use a rubber band to hang this from my kitchen faucet over a mason jar and let it drip overnight. In the morning we had 'cream cheese' for bagels or muffins.
Mama Squirrel makes no-bake brownies that sound like they must taste like candy.
You can also make your own vegan butter, useful especially if you have dairy allergies.
Valerie of Lion Face Studios makes her own:
Deodorant: 5 Tbsp. coconut oil, 1/4 cup cornstarch, 1/4 cup baking soda, 4 drops orange essential oil, 2 drops tea tree oil. You can use other essential oils. The baking soda can be irritating. Don't apply this directly after shaving. Applying plain coconut oil initially and then applying the deodorant after 30 minutes or so can help. Reducing the amount of baking soda can help, too.
And Cough syrup: Raw honey into a double boiler along with a raw onion, chopped. Heat this way for about 20 minutes, nice and low so as not to destroy the inherent properties in the honey. Strain out the onions and store in a glass jar in the fridge. 1-2 spoonfuls at a time. I have done this, too, only I juiced the onion instead of heating and straining, then warmed the onion juice and mixed with raw honey.
We have been making our dishwasher powder for several months now, and we really like it. It works better than commercial powders- we do have very soft water. I offer a couple suggestions that may work for those with hard water.
And feets? Make your own foot powder by putting 3 parts corn starch and 1 part baking soda (that is, try 1/2 cup baking soda and 1 1/2 cups cornstarch) in a jar and shake them up together. Add an essential oil if you like. Tea Tree Oil, Rosemary, Lemongrass and grapefruit allegedly have properties that are good for foot odor or athelete's foot. Shake very well.
Store this in a large salt or pepper shaker and sprinkle in your shoes and socks. To keep it from clumping, put some rice grains in the bottle- when you shake before you using, the rice will help bring up the clumps and it will also absorb moisture. I would store this in a ziplock bag or jar with a lid in order to keep it even drier.
What do you make from scratch? What's the most unusual thing you've ever made from scratch?
Menu Planning and The Frugal Life
Working on my shopping list, I consider my menu plan. Almost every frugal blog I have ever read recommends planning your menu. This is with good reason. Menu planning keeps one from having to make frequent trips to the grocery store, encourages using up what is available in pantry fridge or freezer and helps to make a day more productive. I personally find writing my menu plan after my monthly big shopping trip ensures that my plan does not become too exotic or complex. Planning meals before shopping can tempt me to purchase ingredients not really necessary to our diet. It also allows me to plan my meals using any deals on items I may have found when shopping.
I try to plan my menu on a monthly basis. It is not written "in stone" by any means, just a good plan to flex from when necessary. Since I do a big shop each month usually at Costco and the grocery store, planning my meals for the month seems to make the most sense and is the best use of my time. Most of my purchases are fairly consistent from month to month. I do still go to the grocery store to get milk, any sales and fresh produce every 7-10 days. We try to eat on the healthier side and most of our dinner meals include a cooked vegetable or two and a big salad. Husband and I also do several green smoothies each week. Even though I would like to cut back my grocery shopping to only once or twice a month, our propensity towards fresh fruits and vegetables keeps me shopping more frequently.
What I have found helpful in making my plan is to categorize each day with a particular kind of fare. For instance something like this could be the foundation for my menu:
Monday: Meatless Meal (Could be a pasta or rice and beans)
Tuesday: Fish
Wednesday: Soup or Cold Salad
Thursday: Chicken
Friday: Breakfast for Dinner
Saturday: Ground Meat
Sunday: Crockpot (We have a coverdish after church and I usually cook chicken legs Saturday while making dinner to put in the crockpot for the next day)
Our additions to the menu vary according to what I have on hand, which is usually brown rice, potatoes, frozen and raw vegetables and most every night a green salad.
The system not only helps in my menu planning but also in deciding what to purchase. I find it gives me direction with freedom to choose what is on sale.
Now that my family is smaller, I do not write out a plan for breakfast or lunch although I think this also works well. Lunches are often leftovers or sandwiches for Husband and Youngest Son made from tuna, egg salad or cheese. Peanut and almond butter sandwiches are also considered. Husband enjoys leftover salad with some kind of meat topping from time to time as well.
Green smoothies, homemade yogurt and granola, cold cereal and scrambled eggs are most always available in the morning.
Menu planning is an excellent way to find success in the frugal life.
How do you plan your menus?
Frugal Low-Carb Meals
In our family, most of us eat modest amounts of whole grains, but we try to incorporate generous amounts of healthy fats and complete proteins from meat and eggs into our diet, eating a higher fat, lower carb diet than is the norm in modern America. We avoid most processed foods and reserve most forms of sugar for children, for special treats. (I eat a sugar-free, grain-free diet.)
A couple of friends have asked if I would write something about how we eat well on a tight budget. If you are interested in this approach to health, take a look at The Skinny on Obesity. These videos (the first four of seven have been released) are very well done and very informative. They're well worth watching for anyone, regardless of whether weight loss is a goal.
A diet too high in sugar and grains can cause damage independent of weight gain. The issue is not just weight, but health. Over the past several decades, government machinations like the Food Pyramid and farm subsidies have dramatically changed in the way our culture eats. We eat less fat, fewer eggs, and less meat but have vastly increased rates of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and other disorders. The so-called "diseases of aging" used to be rare among the aging and didn't "run in families" like they do today.
I don't think that our way of eating needs to be as expensive as many people suspect for two reasons. First, since a generous-fat, moderate protein diet is very nutrient dense, we eat less food than we would on the standard American diet. (We've noticed that our kids don't snack as much when they are eating lots of healthy fats and complete proteins.) Second, many people have far more energy on a high-fat, nutrient dense diet, meaning that a nutrient dense diet has the potential to lead to increased economic productivity.
Here are some of our general guidelines.
We don't buy--
- Most snacks
- Sugars
- Processed foods
- Rice, crackers, cookies
- Sweetened drinks of any kind, including juice
(We do have 100% juice with sparkling water a few times a year as a punch for the kids, almost always with a holiday meal.)
We do buy--
- Dark chocolate
- Eggs, which are the cheapest complete protein.
We make lots of crustless quiches and egg casseroles--eggs, cream or half-and-half, veggies, meats, cheese if the budget allows. - LOTS of butter when it's cheap
- High quality oils (we use mostly coconut, olive, and peanut but other better oils as we find them) from Bent-and-Dent grocery stores
- When meat is cheap, we will buy very large quantities.
I like to brown twenty pounds of ground beef or cook several chickens and dice all the meat at once. I spread the meat on baking sheets, freeze, and then pack in Ziploc bags. - Frozen vegetables
- Fruit
Fruit is higher in sugar and is really not a nutritional necessity, so I rarely buy it unless I get it at a bargain price. I live about 30 minutes from a city grocery where marked-down produce is cheap and in good condition (15-20 bananas, 8 oranges, or 10 apples for 79 cents). This is generally put out only first thing in the morning and early evening, and not every day as far as I can tell.
My favorite low-carb recipe site is Linda's Low Carb Menus and Recipes. Linda's been adding new recipes for years and cooks on a very tight budget without special or especially costly ingredients, so her site is a very good reference for the frugal paleo or low carb family.
Free books for your free kindle reader
You can read these whether you have a Kindle or not. There is a free kindle program you can download from Amazon for reading on your computer. These titles were all free at the time I linked them. However, some of them are free as an introductory promotional offer. So it's possible the price will go up- check the price listed. If it does not say 0.00, it's not free.
I am focusing on titles that are about saving money, making money, or learning a skill that could make or save you money. I've tried to screen for scams and utterly useless content, but I cannot make any guarantees for content.
101 Money Saving Tips, Tricks and Strategies
Crochet Rag Rugs Basic Pattern Collection (How to Make a Rag Rug)
Vegetable Dyes Being a Book of Recipes and Other Information Useful to the Dyer
Home Decluttering and Organization - Volume 2: Bathrooms
Publish on Amazon Kindle with Kindle Direct Publishing
Scrap Metal Bible: Getting Started Guide
It's amazing what you can read on a Kindle.
I was going to get this book, but I can't remember why.
I got this one 
I thought about this one for my grandson, but it's a little buggie.
You can get everything on Kindle: from short 
and 
.=)To Dry Or Not To Dry
Grasping the sock out of the washer, I again considered using my dryer for this load. Usually one to hang most all of our clothes except underwear which is washed once a week and dried in the dryer, I was telling myself that this dried load would only cost me about $.50. So what? I was tired and the day was rainy. Yet, I knew that hanging just five loads of wash a week, I saved myself around $10.00 in electricity costs per month. In a year that is a savings of $120.00. That savings is what I use to buy the filters for our combination heating/cooling system and have the system serviced each year.
Grabbing the hangers and then putting this load of clothes on a the rack over the washer and the balance of them on the rod over the tub, I congratulate myself on making the right choice. I certainly am not saying I never succumb to using my dryer, but I find it most helpful to think towards the big picture and not let myself be deceived by what seems to be an inconsequential decision.
Every time my family chooses to keep our heat low or put on extra clothing instead of turning the heat up or use a hot day to do some "sweat equity" and get the toxins out of our bodies, we are also making a choice to provide a means to accomplish a financial goal for the future.
On the other hand, I have deemed that the approximate cost of $25.00 a year to dry our underwear is worth it to me in regards to my time and efficiency. Yet it is also nice to know where I can find some extra funds by hanging these as well, if hard times come.
This principle can be applied to so many other areas in the frugal life. For me, eating meals at a restaurant might be a great idea at the time, but I often remind myself that even for an inexpensive meal, I could most likely feed my family several nice dinners at home for the money we would spend. It is much easier to shop for an item needed or desired at the closest store around and may at times be the wisest choice due to time constraints, but culling thrift shops and checking out Craigslist may ultimately save me a lot of money.
Each of us have different areas due to finances, skills and interests that we can seek to save in little ways that ultimately save big in a year.
How do you apply my "to dry or not to dry" strategy in your frugal life?
What’s In Your Hand Flowers
It's been a busy and productive week at our house.
After the 4Moms with 35+ Kids published our parenting book on Kindle (4 Moms of 35+ Kids Answer Your Parenting Questions
We had some major housecleaning to do, as we are having an old fashioned hymn sing and house party this weekend. My husband brought home a couple boxes of books from a school library for me to sort and decide to keep, get rid of, or list for sale. I cleared out another crate of our own of similar books. Our unofficial foster sons came yesterday for the start of a four day weekend.
And we did some gardening:
This weed grows rampant in our woods and yards here. It's sometimes called creeping charlie, and sometimes Gill Over the Ground:
It also makes a beautiful vining plant in the pot by my front door:
A hollow bit of a log originally intended for firewood makes a pretty planter. The flowering ground cover in the background was free- a friend had some growing in his front yard and he dug up a few starters to share with us.
Another hollow log, turned on end, filled with soil and some allyssum.
Should Homes Be An Investment?
Walking down the street of my subdivision, I pondered on one of the comments of a former post. A caution was given to consider a home purchase as a financial investment. Mulling this comment and the fact that most home buyers do seem to make resale of a property a great priority, I suggest this may be a somewhat newer concept in part as a consequence of our mobile society.
How many times do homeowners consider the impact of a decorating decision or home repair on future buyers? Certain neutral colors tend to be recommended by realtors and I have heard advice given to not to buy the best home in an area as you most likely will not get a good return. Also advice is given to not improve a property beyond what is considered affordable in the area in which the home is located.
I totally understand this advice and just the other day I was telling myself that I needed to make time to cut back a bush that was threatening my rosebush because my roses will be important for the sale of our home. But then I reminded myself that we were not selling our house and had no plans to do so at this time. So, I made time to cut back the bush to preserve my roses just because Husband and I like our roses and enjoy seeing how the shades of pink highlight our mint green house.
I think back to the many years spent visiting in the home of my uncle and aunt. Married for over 50 years and still living in their first home, I honestly think the changes and improvements made have been more for their lifestyles and not for the increased value of their home. Most definitely they will make a large profit whenever they or their children sell this home. The one story cape cod, two bedroom home has grown and developed through the years.
The dormers became bedrooms as their family grew. The kitchen was remodeled some years ago. Not to increase the resale but because my aunt loves to cook. The large spacious deck out back, although a definite asset, was built so they could better enjoy their gorgeous backyard. The landscaping is tremendous and has been a labor of love and hard work for many years. Certainly the value of their home will be enhanced because of this feature, but my uncle chooses to do this because he loves to work in his yard. The basement was remodeled when their children grew older and definitely adds value to this home, but they did this to give them more storage and an area for grandchildren to play. The impeccable upkeep of this home would be a blessing to any new buyer, but they do not do this for potential buyers but because it is just how they are.
Truth is, I do not know if my uncle and aunt will ever really get back all the improvements made to their home. I do know they have raised a family, hosted grandchildren and provided many happy memories for all that have crossed their threshold. I honestly do not think when they purchased this home almost 50 years ago that the resale of their home was on their minds.
I know times have changed. I, too, am a member of the mobile society and left my home of 16 years to move half way across the country. Although Husband and I really like our house and where we live, we know this may not be where we will end our years. I just wonder sometimes if we don't add to the pressures of life by living for the next owner. Maybe it is okay to take into consideration the "living in" of a home. Some who have had investment on their minds are now "stuck" with homes that have lost their value. Some are so set on making a return for their home investment that life is spent decorating and designing to where there is little time to "live" and be at home.
As I continued my walk around my neighborhood, I realized many would not want to live where we do. But we like it! We like the simple living of our neighbors. We like the fact that not everything is "pristine." We enjoy the resourcefulness of those who have more creativity than cash. Truth is when it comes time to sell it may not be as easy as if we had made some other home buying decisions. I will remind myself, however, of the years lived and enjoyed.
How about you? Do you think homes should be investments?
Teach a Child to Read for $1 or less
My state, Wisconsin, spends $10,700 to educate one student for one year. Wisconsin's virtual "homeschooling" program spends $6,500 to educate one student for one year. (Most of that is not used for materials, but for oversight and management.) One out of every three dollars that my state spends is spent on education, and this is a cost that we all have to bear.
Were that amount to stay constant over the life of a family like mine, I've calculated that Wisconsin would be willing to spend $1.5 million dollars to give all of my children thirteen years of basic eduction. That's real money that real people would have to earn, to provide for my family. But it doesn't cost very much to teach a child, nor does it take very much time. Education is not something that teachers or bureaucracies produce; it's something that children do themselves, in their own minds. And while there are pricey options for supporting their efforts, it really doesn't require a lot.
I gave my oldest daughter, Heather, a top notch first grade education for 99 cents.
It was 1995, and we knew that we wanted to homeschool, but at that time a basic curriculum from A Beka cost $250 for one child, for one year. There was no possible way that we could afford that, so I asked friends for advice.
A friend told me about Writing Road to Reading, and I checked an old 1950's hardcover copy out of the library. I bought a pack of index cards for 69 cents, which was my major school expense for the year. On the blank side of each of 70 cards I wrote a letter or letter combination that makes a single sound: "a, b, c, d...qu...er, ir..sh..eigh...ough." On the lined side of each of the cards, I wrote some sample words that use each letter combination. That was for me, to remind me of the sounds that I needed to teach. "A" has three major sounds, so I wrote: "cat, ape, all" on my card.
Heather's five year old fingers weren't ready for lots of writing so we went through the seventy cards orally until she had them mastered. This was fun for both of us. Aside from its instruction to make the cards, Writing Road to Reading didn't appeal to me, and I took it back to the library.
I had no primer, but I had a pen and lots of scrap paper. I wrote words, and then short sentences, and helped her sound them out, one at a time. Next, I rewrote short Bible verses--the font size in my Bible was too small for her--and we worked on those together.
So, Heather learned to read for 69 cents. Once she was able to read a chapter of the KJV Bible independently, we invited family and close friends and presented her with her own Bible. That was our way of affirming reality, that the greatest benefit of reading is reading the very words of God and taking them into our own hearts.
Heather will be twenty-two next month. She's read the Bible through more than once, has read many wonderful books, and is now putting herself through a midwifery apprenticeship that includes a great deal of highly technical reading. So my 69 cents has paid off well.
But, as I said, we paid 99 cents for her first grade education. For math, I asked the Lord for a book, and He provided for me. I found a first grade math book with the teacher's edition for 20 cents at a school closing sale. The teacher's edition recommended manipulatives to work the problems, so I found a game of "Risk" at a garage sale for 10 cents. It was cheap because the board and box were warped, mildewed, and falling apart. I threw away the box and the game board and was left with lots of lovely wood cubes--pink, red, green, blue, yellow, and black. I washed them and air dried them on a bath towel. We worked every problem either with those cubes or by talking them through together.
Once again, I decided that while Heather was ready to think math, she wasn't ready for all that writing. She was only five when we did first grade, and her hands just weren't ready yet. I had nothing to prove and no need for records so we went through that first grade math book orally in about three months.
What else did we do? We talked. I answered hundreds of questions. We memorized Bible verses. We sang lots of songs, from great hymns to silly folk songs. We went for walks. We read lots of nice books. We had so much fun for 99 cents.
$10,700 for one year. $139,100 for thirteen years. $1,530,100 for my whole family. It's real money, and real people have to work more hours at hard jobs to provide it. This is far from frugal, and in my state it's also far from effective, for two-thirds of eighth graders cannot read proficiently, according to government testing, based on government standards.
And, you know, Wisconsin could spend twice as much and not get a better result. Teachers don't produce education, and it isn't made in the machinations of a bureaucracy. Education happens in the mind of a child. A hungry mind will feast on whatever is available--and good books are insanely cheap. I'd rather buy the book than pay the library fine, so over the years I've gone to many library book sales and bought wonderful books for my kids, most for 25-50 cents each.
One year, 99 cents. Or one year, $10,700. Either way, it's real money earned by the efforts of real people, so the second option isn't actually free. (As a society, we are less prosperous for not grasping this.)
So, how do you teach a child to read for $1 or less? You could buy your own index cards and do what I did, or you could visit Phonogram Page, start clicking, and do the same thing at no cost. Then, make your own primer by writing short words and sentences. Children love to read about themselves. A child who's just gone for a walk with you would love to read, "We took a walk. We saw a dog." The eyes light up! That's us! We did that! And now Mommy's put it into words, and I've read them!
So, what if this method doesn't work? You really don't need more bells or whistles. Reading isn't obtained by a costly method, but by the work of the mind, when an individual child is ready. You don't need an awesome program as much as you need the right time, and that will come. Just set it aside for a few months and try again later. Everyone develops differently, and it is totally normal for some very intelligent children to work on other mental tasks first.
Thomas Edison was sent home, "addled." His mind was doing other things when the schedule said, "Read." But when he was ready, he flourished under loving attention. He later said, "My mother was the making of me. She was so true, so sure of me, and I felt I had someone to live for, someone I must not disappoint."
I have one child for whom we had to set aside reading time and again. She just wasn't ready until she was ready. But when she was 9 1/2 she began reading simple words. By age 10, she could read at an eighth grade level. When she was 17, she read War and Peace. A slow start is just a variation of normal.
My child who read latest also spoke latest. When she was nearly three, she had said only three words, and we had heard each of those only once or twice. One night, she was naughty, and I disciplined her. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life." And so she spoke, when she was ready.
The Other Forbidden Topic
This is not for everybody. It's not even a topic that many people want to discuss or read about on a blog.
This is what my parents chose to do a few years ago. They contacted a state university and made arrangements to donate their bodies to the medical department of the university once they were through with them. When my father died, my mother notified the proper department (they'd given her a card and there was also one with Dad's medical records).
There is information on the process here:
The how-to is pretty straightforward. Googling "willed body program" plus your state or poking around the Web site of your favorite med school will turn up detailed information and often a donor form. The institution may send you a wallet card to notify authorities of its claim at the time of death. Be sure to discuss the matter with your family and doctor so they'll know what to do (and won't freak) when the time comes.
They retrieved his body, and there was nothing else for my mother to do. There will be no burial, no graveside service, no expensive casket, no fees for embalming, no fees for cremation, no plot in a cemetery, no headstone to buy.
They also handle the paperwork, including making sure a death certificate is on file, social security is notified, and they have kept in touch with my mother to let her know how the paperwork is being handled.
A memorial service is up to the family. In our strictly unique situation for reasons which are excellent but I do not wish to go into in any detail, there was no memorial service. It won't be that way for my mother when her time comes. The cost of a memorial service is less than the cost of a full funeral, and whether it costs anything at all is strictly up to the family. For my part, I'd be just fine if my family got together at our house and told stories on me, laughed, cried, forgave me all my many failings, remembered my successes and even embellished them a bit, said a few prayers, read a few verses from the Bible and hugged on each other. I don't have strong feelings about it, though, as I consider a memorial service is all about the survivors and their feelings and need for closure (or not), so it will be up to them.
Again, this is certainly not for everybody. On the other hand, thousands of dollars in burial and funeral fees are also not for everybody.
My husband's preference is a plain pine box somewhere on our property, but we understand that pine boxes are pretty expensive these days, and it's illegal to use our property. He started thinking about the pine box thing when he was in his twenties and he took a writing class for work. One of the essays in his writing textbook was about burial practices, and he learned then that embalming is almost never required by law- it's a cultural practice. Neither are caskets costing thousands of dollars a requirement, and it isn't true that burials on your own property are illegal in every state. If you are not too squeamish, it is not a bad idea to think about what you will want, and what your family can handle when your time comes. Write down your wishes, but don't make them binding in stone. It's not fair for the dead to guilt trip the living. Actually, even if you are squeamish, you should make some sort of plan and begin funding it now, as it's not fair to leave your loved ones to figure everything out in the midst of their grief.
If what you want is going to cost money, start setting aside that money now in a special account and leave it there. Or look into your state laws and regulations on burial customs now and make that plan. Or google that 'willed body program.'
Or learn some carpentry skills and build your own pine box.
Frugal Gardening Discussion: Composting and Lasagna Gardening
Raking the section of the yard where I had periodically spread organic material, I see my black clay soil so easily compacted, is now loose and rich thanks to the compost and small leaves spread. I am diligent to fill my cheerful green bucket kept next to the kitchen island with scraps of vegetable peelings and faithfully add this concoction to a 4ft x 4ft black composter in my yard.
I would like to speak of my luscious black hummus like compost, but find even making compost in a state so often in drought does not come easy. Because of frequent lack of rain and that my composter is not close to the house and water source (I am not a fan of rodents) my compost does not get enough water. I still do get results, it just takes time. I have been considering purchasing a plastic or metal trash can which can be rolled periodically and have small holes drilled on the sides and on the bottom so as to have two containers of compost. One could be completed and have time to"cook," the other a container for my continuing refuse. I could also roll this can to my hose and not have to carry heavy buckets of water to my composter as I do now. So....
Has anyone made a trashcan composter? Would you recommend this process?
Watching my four tomato plants, one bell pepper and a crookneck squash plant thrive in this Texas spring with rain and sunshine I check my anticipation of delicious goodies to come with the reality of other gardening years. I am experienced now to know that if those long, Texas hot days come too soon, my bounty will be compromised. I used a new strategy this year and added as recommended by a long time Texas gardener more compost to my soil. So far my plants look great! Intrigued by some of the articles read on lasagna gardening, I am wondering if this might be another strategy to consider. Husband has access to loads of brown paper boxes suggested as the material to build upon and we have mucho grass clippings, etc. to add to the mix. One of the advantages to this style of gardening from what I have read is less water is needed for success. So.....
Has anyone found lasagna gardening to be successful? Anyone ever tried this in Texas?
Any suggestions from readers/frugal gardeners, would be appreciated! Your comments teach me so much!
Bargain Food Surprises
It pays to visit the grocery store on different days of the week and at different times, to learn when and where the best deals are offered. And it pays to scope out the cheaper stores as expensive grocery stores don't offer discounted goods. (It doesn't appeal to their market.)
At my favorite grocery store, most departments start the morning by pulling the expiring foods and wilting or overstocked fruits and vegetables. One corner of one shelf is dedicated to expiring dairy, one bin in the frozen case to expiring meats, and bargain carts near the door are dedicated to expiring produce and dry goods. Here are some of the bargains I've found:
- two to three pound packages of bags of asparagus for 79 cents (I think that they had too much delivered. I watched them take the freshest asparagus directly from the packing crates and put it in the sale bags.)
- 4-5 pounds of ripe bananas for 79 cents
- a couple of pounds of Clementines for 79 cents
- 5-7 avocados for 79 cents (typically 1-3 would be bad and the rest would be just right for eating within 48 hours)
- 8-10 oranges for 79 cents (I might need to discard one or two, remembering that this was the selection given to all shoppers just an hour or two earlier)
- organic yogurt by the quart for 49-99 cents
- quarts of heavy whipping cream for 49-99 cents
- organic gourmet chicken sausages, 8 oz. packages for 99 cents
- organic, naturally sweetened lollipops, 99 cents a pound
- filet mignon and rib eye steaks, 75% off
- gluten free baking mixes, 99 cents
If I only visited that store between 11 am and midnight, I wouldn't know that these kinds of bargains were ever made available. They're put out by 7 or 7:30 am, most days, and are generally gone by 10:30 or 11 am.
Ripe bananas keep a long time in the refrigerator. Their skins turn black and ugly, but their insides stay good. But our favorite way to preserve bananas is to peel them all, lay them on a tray and freeze solid. Once frozen, they can be packaged, dated, and later put through a high quality food processor, frozen, to make banana ice cream. (Freezing many foods on a tray, prior to packaging, makes it much easier to use individual portions later on.)
You can learn how to preserve fresh berries in the refrigerator here.
Yesterday, My Dad Died
Oh, this is ticklish. I have written and rewritten this paragraph at least three times. It's difficult to find my path here, as I want to be honest without sounding heartless and without revealing more than I want. I'm embarrassed about receiving sympathy under false pretenses, so I will preface this by saying he was always, at best, extremely difficult for his immediate family to get along with. One of my two siblings has been completely estranged from him for the last ten years, and I think it was the best possible decision that sibling could make for himself given the circumstances. In addition, my dad has had dementia for years, and I think it's been at least two years since he's known who I am, or who anybody is, really. We're not tap-dancing, but we're not incapacitated by grief, either.
My father had a complicated relationship with money. I blogged somewhat about what that was like when I was growing up here. I say it was complicated, but it really wasn't. He simply refused to let the amount of money he had every control what he did or bought. Which means, of course, that it controlled him body and soul. He cared a lot about money, and he cared about the things it would buy. It was important to him. Things mattered to him. He maxed out credit card after credit card, and then he would go get another card. He often couldn't tell us what he'd spent it on. Sometimes it was, often it was himself, and just as often nobody knew. Money in his pockets was like sweat on a runner- it evaporated in the wind, leaving nothing behind but an unpleasant taint.
I remember a conversation he and I had once where he was frustrated by my mother's unwillingness to spend their emergency fund on some frivolous project he had in mind. "Your mother says we don't have the money," he said in irritation, "but we do. It's in the bank in the saving account. What's the money there for, if not to spend?" He was serious. He was in his late fifties then, and he was totally serious.
You would think that with an attitude like that about the 'stuff' of life, we would remember gifts, presents, jaunts, and outings when we try and remember the good things about my dad. In my fifty years of life as my father's daughter, I remember one material gift with great pleasure- he took me to the mall on one memorable outing when I was a teen and my mother was recovering from surgery. I came home with a pretty and stylish new wardrobe, the likes of which I never got from Mom. I pranced. But even that memory is tainted by my later understanding of what it meant to my mother when she saw the bill that he would not be paying.
That's the only material thing we remember. The pleasant things we remember about my dad are these:
A special bike ride he took with my son. I don't even remember that he ever went biking with my son, but my boy remembers it. He also remembers that it didn't begin well, as my Dad began by losing his temper and ranting and raging a bit, but they were having a good time by the end.
Winnie the Pooh stories- nobody read out loud like my dad did. Nobody. This is objectively true for a number of reasons- one of them being acting was his great passion and talent. But it wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't. My own kids think that my husband sings tura lura lura better than anybody in the world, and my husband can't sing, gets his pitch by scraping his shoe on the floor, and pretty much sings it a different way every time (and none of those ways could be called a 'tune.'). But he's their dad, and so they love it.
Biscuits and gravy breakfasts
His piano playing- right up until about a year ago, my dad could not remember my name, did not know my mom's name (they were married 51 years), did not always know he was married, but he still knew how to play beautiful classical music on the piano.
Playing chess games with the children. This is particularly poignant as my oldest remembers never winning these games, and my youngest remembers always winning, and my father tried just as hard with both of them. it's just that in the sixteen years between our first and our last child, his dementia began.
Thursday night burritoes- my dad made burritoes for dinner ever Thursday night for a few years when i still lived at home. No matter what we were doing we all made sure we were home on Thursday nights. My foster sister and I even shocked potential boyfriends by telling them we couldn't go anywhere until after supper on Thursday nights because we were not going to miss Dad's burritoes. You can try them yourself. They are good, but you know, not quite as good as we remember. It was the element of ritual and tradition that went with them that made them special. It was about relationships.
Sometimes frugality feels like deprivation. It feels like everything is about what you can't do. And parents can feel like they are somehow failing as parents if they are unable to provide the 'things' that others seem to have. My mother's frugality meant Dad had a roof over his head in his declining years. My Dad's ready ways with money meant he almost didn't. And the things we all valued most were truly not the things he bought.
Disciplined Shopping At Costco
Walking into Costco I find before my eyes the shelving unit with canvas baskets I had seen on my last visit. Noticed as the perfect solution to house old sheets gathered for future toothbrush rugs, I now see this desired item is on sale! Taking a moment to let my frugal senses over rule my excitement, I remind myself this unit is not for me. Perfect size to add to my guest/nursery/workroom and matching my new free to me crib, (I'll have to tell you that story some time,) I say no to my heart and yes to my pocketbook. A grand principle for living the frugal life! Too many other things are on the list for my household budget category. I am glad I have learned to shop at Costco with discipline.
I shop at Costco on a monthly basis and appreciate being able to purchase what I consider to be quality products. With all the news on gmo products, I buy organic frozen corn and tortilla chips here. Also, not one to serve lunch meat on a regular basis, but for birthday hoagies and the occasional easy to prepare lunch, I will purchase their nitrate free meat. Costco's organic spinach finds it way into our green smoothies and salads. The savings on the brand cat litter I prefer actually pays for my yearly membership.
Although to some Costco shopping would not be considered frugal, if purchasing food with some health considerations in mind, I think Costco is a big help. I will also add their cheese and milk prices are excellent and buying spices here can also bring big savings.
One of my Costco shopping goals and how I apply my disciplined shopping at Costco, is to be careful not to spend too much time perusing the aisles with non-food items. I will admit however, that there is a baby swing hanging on a wild persimmon tree in my yard recently purchased at Costco. As this swing was cheaper than those I had seen online, I felt no remorse when this purchase was made. However, I am grateful for my disciplined Costco shopping as not to buy every other item that my grandmother heart sees and knows would just be "perfect" for our yard.
By keeping my budget in mind and learning to appreciate the many items Costco carries without thinking all these items need to belong to me, I find my disciplined shopping at Costco to be a delight!
Do any others shop here? What do you purchase?
